Here’s Why She’ll Have Sex With You but Keep You Under Wraps

Contrary to popular beliefs, not all men want to play games with women. A good number of decent guys genuinely want to go the whole nine yards — wedding, marriage, and babies. You know, everything.

But finding that special woman is often a steep climb. Why?

Because women have specific criteria for their ideal men, and that’s totally okay because nothing is more crucial in a relationship than knowing exactly who you want to be with.

The problem is, people aren’t communicating their intentions and expectations up front, and one partner’s hopes are getting dashed because there’s a misalignment. It’s true for all genders.

Take sex, for example. It used to be that sexual relationships had an underlying expectation of exclusivity and commitment. Not anymore. Too many hearts have been broken because lovers who go in hoping to find these two values are often disappointed.

One particular example is the single man who desperately wants to find love and a long-term commitment but can’t. Like James. After being in a sexual relationship with Lucy for seven months, she ended things with zero explanation. Poof. One day, she was gone.

Turns out he was only there to cure her loneliness while she waited for her ideal man.

Too many men are circling the parking lot waiting for a spot in a woman’s life, which isn’t happening because she doesn’t see him the way he sees her. In fact, the biggest sign that a woman is using you for sex is that she never tells her friends about you or even speaks about you.

And if by some sheer chance, you’re spotted together, she tapers down your relationship to a mere friendship. I’ve seen my friends do this, and when I asked why they kept their men under wraps, their reasons came down to this.

…

You’re a Temporary Solution to Her Loneliness.

Loneliness is becoming one of the largest health concerns of modern-day society. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to forge deep, solid friendships.

Most people have very few friends and even fewer confidants to open up to about deeply personal issues. Women, in particular, are getting good at keeping things botted up because they don’t feel safe enough to confide in their female counterparts.

Have you seen the type of politics ruling the female world? There are catfights, competition, gossip, and deep-rooted jealousy. And it’s making it hard and unsafe for women to be vulnerable with each other.

To add a spin to the twist, statistics now show that working women are 50% more stressed than men and are twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders. Whoa!

Studies have proven that sex is a stress reliever. And it would be great if women could do this with men they actually want to be with long term. But, high-quality men aren’t easy to find, truth be told.

So women are secretly having sex with men they’d not normally date purely for pleasure.

…

You Only Have One Thing in Common.

Here’s what a friend told me the other day.

“I knew he had the hots for me, but his height was a bone of contention for me. So yeah, that placed him in the friend zone as soon as he expressed interest in dating me. He was a good enough guy, and we’d hang out and watch a movie or two. I’d always carry a bottle of water with me because I wouldn’t be caught dead drinking from his cups. The dude needed urgent cleaning lessons.

A hygienic man has always topped my list of potential romantic partners, so nothing happened there. Turns out the only thing we had in common was a good choice in movies.”

The truth is, a healthy relationship requires some level of compatibility in pertinent issues like parenting, and career goals, and marital responsibilities.

So if she’s rolling in the hay with you and never mentions you to her friends, it’s because nothing else holds you two together but bang bang and she has accepted that. In the meantime, she’s holding out for the man she’s compatible with.

…

Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

That’s How She Wants It Because It Works for Her.

Now more than ever, women are washing their hands from the dating scene because their devotion and commitment aren’t being reciprocated — there are nightmares of abuse, both physical and emotional. And yet, women still want to have some fun, not necessarily sexual.

The truth is, although relationships are great, they come with strings attached, things we have to do even if we don’t necessarily enjoy, the most common being putting up with nasty in-laws.

There’s always something at stake, and it takes a brave person to make that long-term commitment. Not so many women are up for that, and so they’re making sure that any arrangement they have with a man is on one very long leash.

And that’s totally okay. It’s why men and women go on weekend getaways and then return back to their normal lives until next time.

…

She’s Got a Dream and Sadly, You Don’t Fit Into It.

Women care about different things. But all have idealized notions of the guys we want to end up with. But somewhere in the growing-up stage, we wake up and realize that the puzzle pieces don’t always fit as we imagine.
In fact, a third of women wind up with partners who are nothing close to those they had envisioned. But that shift doesn’t just happen overnight. Women cling to that idea until such a time when it seems obvious that their knight is nowhere close.

I’ve seen my friends tone down their preferences for guys for this very reason. Top of my head is Vera, who imagined herself hooking up with a high-level executive but ended up with someone different.

Such scenarios occur more often than we think.

The person left licking their wounds isn’t the man who ends up with her. It’s the one who attempts to hook up or settle with her before she arrives at what I like to call the “acceptance stage.” Because she keeps him interested but never commits because he’s not really who she wants.

…

So, Now What?

The truth? A woman will keep you spinning on her sexual thumb for more reasons than these. The only way to get around this is to ask her what she wants out of the relationship. Sex? Company? A distraction?

Then decide for yourself.

Because ….

Assumptions break hearts.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***