What kind of person is a hero?
Heroes are people who are willing to become engaged in a challenging task that involves reaching deep inside themselves to find the courage and determination to overcome difficult obstacles.
A hero is sometimes afraid. A hero sometimes fails. A hero sometimes wants to give up. But they see their task as valuable to themselves and/or others, so they “bite the bullet,” push forward, and persevere.
According to the late philosopher, Joseph Campbell, there are three main phases that occur in many ancient heroic myths, adventure stories, action movies, and fairytales the world over. These phases can correspond with the struggles you may be undergoing in your effort to come to peace in your relationship and become a more loving man. You could conceive of your struggles as a Heroic Journey.
The first stage of that Hero’s Journey is Departure. The hero, an ordinary man or woman, living in a safe, comfortable environment, is called to adventure because of some danger that threatens the peace of the community (a fearsome monster, an evil villain, an invading force). The hero accepts the challenge (sometimes reluctantly) and begins his journey by passing through a threshold from his safe, comfortable environment into the unknown.
Once in the dangerous forest, perilous sea, dark cave, or enemy territory, the hero then begins his entrance into the next stage, Initiation. Here he is challenged and must encounter difficult trials, (do battle with dragons, monsters, or powerful enemies, who sometimes are guarding valuable treasure, great wisdom, or magical powers).
After engaging in battle and vanquishing the enemy and obtaining their bounty, the hero is ready to enter the third stage, Return. He crosses back over the threshold to the safety of the known, bringing with him the treasure he has stolen. But he is not the same. By embarking on the Heroes Journey and overcoming challenges, he returns with strength, confidence, and wisdom and is able to live in the world as a new man.
It’s not too difficult to see how the Hero’s Journey fits in with your quest to become a more loving person.
Every day, your relationship can present you with difficult challenges for you to overcome. It’s a challenge to open yourself up and expose your weakness and vulnerability to your partner. It’s a challenge to tell the truth when you know it will cause them to be angry and upset. It’s a challenge to give up what you want so your mate can get what they want. It’s a challenge to admit to them when you are wrong and make amends.
It’s much easier to hide your feelings from your partner, be defensive, lie to them, and try to manipulate. Doing so may allow you to escape an uncomfortable situation in the moment, but these are cowardly, unloving behaviors which will eventually strangle love. You will become a heroic lover only if you stand up and accept these challenges and again and again choose to do the loving thing on your journey to love.
So be a hero. Sharpen your sword, strap on your armor, lift up your shield. There are dragons to be slain. But remember, the most ferocious dragons are not out in the world. They reside within you. The Hero’s Journey can be conceived of as an internal voyage. The most important decision point in that Journey is in the initial Departure stage, where you decide to set forth on the road to engage in battle with your inner demons. Those inner demons are your most dangerous dragon. To slay the dragon requires you to battle and subdue the demons of your own devious mind, your own fear, your own laziness, your own greed, your own out-of-control emotions. These internal dragons are so much more threatening and difficult to fight than those outside yourself.
Remember that love is a call to courageous action. To answer that call is an adventure that requires a man to summon his warrior spirit. A man who commits to becoming a more loving person is a hero.
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This post is republished on Agents of Change on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
