He cheated and now she’s struggling with trust. Alexis Meads guides a GMP reader out of this tricky situation.
I could actually use some help here.
It would be really kind of you to help me through this.
Here’s the thing. I’m in a long distance relationship since a year, but we were casually dating for the past four years which wasn’t long distance. In the process, we became best friends and now we’re in a committed relationship but things have become worse between us.
Back in the day, like around two years back, he cheated on me and when I spoke to him about it he said he wouldn’t do it again but he’s never stopped lying .He’s always lying and now I don’t know whether he’s lying or telling me the truth.
I am so scared to trust him. Now that I’m constantly fighting with him because I don’t know what to do. He never says anything. All he ever says is “okay , goodnight .we’ll talk tomorrow.”. I want to tell him how I feel but not in a way that he feels like I’m nagging him constantly. Is there anyway you could help me ?
I’m sorry to hear about your situation and I also acknowledge your courage in reaching out for help. These aren’t easy questions to ask, especially when we love someone.
But here’s the thing, you have to ask yourself “Where is this relationship going?” “Where do I want it to go?” and “What do I need from a relationship?”
I’ve found in my life and the lives of many people I work with that the #1 thing needed for any long-term relationship to work is trust. It’s the foundation of our relationships. That’s not to say that just because he cheated two years ago you should break up with him – that’s for you to decide if you are okay with that or not.
However, it doesn’t sound like he’s given you reason to trust him now or put in the effort to build back that trust. This is amplified in a long-distance relationship because we can’t communicate with someone and understand their emotions the way we can in person.
You mentioned being worried that it’ll feel like you’re nagging him constantly. It sounds to me like you need to be able to express your feelings to him, or else it will forever be nagging at you instead!
If you will be seeing him in person I’d wait until then. If not, then have a really heartfelt conversation over the phone. Take a deep breath, get centered in yourself and as lovingly and honestly as you can, tell him how you feel.
Create space in the conversation to hear what he has to say, too. And finally, be willing to accept the outcome whatever happens.
I know this is easier said than done, but realize that you deserve more out of a relationship. If this relationship is no longer serving your needs,then you have to value yourself enough to be ready to let it go, if it comes to that.
It sounds like you care about him a great deal. So, first give him the opportunity to open up to you and vice versa so hopefully the relationship can flourish and grow!
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