Hot Tub Almost Heaven

Hershell Ostrepeller was really upset. He had just written a check to his Condo Association for fifteen thousand dollars for a special assessment and now the Condo board had closed the building’s pool.

Since Surfside had happened and people had died, the State of Florida had gotten serious about sending Inspectors to check the structural safety of Florida Condo buildings located near water.

At Hershell’s Condo building ‘’The Riviera Inter Coastal’’ there was a concern about balconies, so the Board hired a contractor to drill into each balcony to examine the rebar. The Board was worried that during construction a piece of cement could fly off the building and hit someone in or around the pool. It was decided that the best way to avoid any potential liability issues was to simply drain the pool preventing people from using it. It sucked as the weather outside was in the high eighties.

Hershell was sitting at his dining room table and wondering where to go when he had an epiphany. Ralph Levy stayed at the Diplomat Hotel with his wife Irene, when he came to South Florida, maybe he could go there and use the pool. He googled the hotel’s number and called. They referred him to a website called Resort Pass. He found the Resort Pass site and booked himself a pass to use at the Diplomat the next day. The cost of a pass was thirty five dollars which he thought was very reasonable. He would receive a lounge chair, towels, and a bottle of water. He had access to the Hot Tub and to the beach. It seemed perfect.

Herbert spent the rest of the afternoon at Gulfstream Park watching the horse races. He ended up winning one race out of eight and got sun burned in the process.

He went to Piola at the Diplomat Mall for for dinner (fantastic pizza) and then home where he indulged in one of his hidden pleasures, watching The Real Houswives of Salt Lake City. He could never get over how grown women could be so childish, immature and catty. It seemed to him that they made mountains out of molehills and he wondered if they were prompted by Producers to be so bitchy.

Herschell went to bed at 10:00 pm and was up at six thirty. He went for a nice long walk around his neighbourhood and then stopped at Panera for breakfast. He looked at his clock and it was seven thirty. He headed back home and packed a small Beach bag and headed out to the Diplomat. He parked across the street from the hotel and walked across a short bridge to the pool.

A pool guy named Deacon, came over and after taking a look at the resort pass, placed a wristband on Herschell. It was green and showed he had access to everything around the pool.

Deacon asked Herschell what he was looking for ‘’This chair faces the ocean and the beach. It is bright and sunny till about one o’clock and then the sun moves. The ones near the bar get more sun in the afternoon. You have your choice of any chair in the area. We’re a first come first serve kind of place. Any idea of where you’d like to sit?’’ Herschell chose a lounge chair facing the ocean and the beach. After spraying sun tan lotion all over himself, he went for a very long walk along the beach. He felt invigorated and alive. It was nice to be in a luxurious environment.

He returned to his chair and stretched out. It wasn’t long before Herschell was enjoying a deep sleep. He thought he heard a voice talking to him and he opened one eye to see a woman with a tray standing in front of his seat. ‘’Sir, can I get your a drink? It’s pretty hot and it’s important to stay hydrated.’’ Herschell decided to spoil himself and ordered a drink called a Miami Vice, which was made up of a Strawberry Daquiri, a Pina Colada with a Rum floater. She brought it over and it was really refreshing.

Herschell took a look at his watch and it read ten thirty. He couldn’t believe how fast time was going. The fact he was already having an alcohol laced drink was on the naughty side. He rationalized things by putting it all in perspective, he was on vacation and it was five o’clock somewhere.

The sun was getting progressively hotter, so Herschell decided to go for a swim. The pool was long and L shaped and the water was set at the perfect temperature.

Herschell took a couple of sips of his very refreshing drink, then a couple of swigs from his water bottle. He stood up and headed for the pool. On the way over he noticed a very inviting hot tub.

He lowered himself into the pool and felt both refreshed and relaxed. He flipped on to his back and swam under waterfalls that were in the middle of the pool and went to the very end. He loved how empty the pool was and how completely peaceful the whole scene was.

Herschell lost track of time, and was in his own little world. He decided to get out and jump in the hot tub. The sun was beating hotter and he was thinking about going to the beach after the hot tub. It was fantastic that his biggest decision was when to go to the beach.

There were about four people in the pool when he got out, and he headed to the hot tub where there were nobody. He stuck his toe in and the water was hot but not scalding.

After slowly entering the water, Herschell sat back against the wall and felt the heat surging all around him. His whole body felt relaxed when he felt motion around him. He opened his eyes and there was one of the most spectacular looking women he had ever seen slowly lowering herself opposite him.

Herschell wished he was wearing his sunglasses. He didn’t want to stare but in his entire life he didn’t think he had ever seen a prettier woman. She was three feet away and was smiling at him. He figured she was about twenty five and radiated a really positive vibe. It was amazing when people had the ability to draw you into their orbit without trying.

As a sixty four year old guy, Herschell thought he should be able to say something smooth and funny. He just couldn’t figure out what those words were supposed to be. He smiled and sputtered out ‘’Water feels just right. It’s incredible how on a hot day, hot water is so refreshing.’’ The woman smiled a big smile. Herschell regretted saying anything, he thought he sounded like a jerk. She nodded. ‘’I have always been a fan of hot tubs. I’m from Toronto and I have one in my backyard. Sometimes when it’s freezing out and really cold, I’ll jump in. It’s so refreshing.’’ Herschell was happy for the opportunity to respond. ‘’The only problem is getting back to the house after being in the tub. You can really freeze your butt.’’ The woman laughed. ‘’Yup, but you learn to move quickly.’’

There was a few seconds of silence and the young woman looked like she was getting ready to get out of the tub. Herschell wanted to engage her in conversation, ‘’Are you here on vacation?’’ The girl looked over at Herschell, and flashed a hypnotic smile. ‘’Yeah, it was cold at home and my boyfriend called me and said we should rendezvous in Florida for a few days. He’s based in New York.’’

Herschell immediately processed what she was saying, he thought it meant, ‘’I have a boyfriend, so leave me alone.’’ He looked at her and couldn’t help thinking that the the boyfriend was a lucky guy. ‘’I’m actually from Oshawa, I come here for the winter, it’s my great escape. Oh by the way, my name’s Herschell. My friends call me Hersh.’’

The woman once again smiled at him. ‘’My name’s Sarina, it’s really nice to meet you Hersh. So you stay at the Diplomat for the entire winter?’’ He shook his head ‘’I have a Condo around the corner but the Board of the building is checking balconies to make sure they’re safe, so they closed the pool. I needed to get some luxury in, so here I am. I’m on a one day resort pass.’’ Herschell then showed her his green wristband.

Sarina seemed more interested. ‘’I’ve often thought about buying a Condo down here. I love Florida and the fact it’s only a two hour and forty minute plane ride from Toronto. It’s just so convenient. My boyfriend prefers hotels because he says that way we aren’t tied to any one location. I disagree. I don’t think that it would be so bad to have a place down here. I love this location, it’s close to everything. You can come down for long weekends if you can’t stay for weeks. I am going to check out opportunities. The hotel bills add up very quickly.’’

Herschell was fixated. She was beautiful and smart. He knew it was time to get out of the Hot Tub but he couldn’t force himself to get out. It was strange, he never had that problem before. ‘’Your welcome to see my place anytime. There’s a few units for sale, and it’s a nice building. Quiet and kind of hidden. We have a gorgeous golf course across the street and the Intercoastal behind us.’’

Sarina gave a big smile. ‘’That would be excellent Hersh. I’d like that.’’ A couple entered the Hot Tub and it seemed like it was a sign to move on. Herschell slowly stood up and headed for the steps to get out. Sarina reached out and put her hand (which felt like a soft feather) on his arm. ‘’I want to grab your address, I’ll find you and get it.’’ Herschell once again had trouble speaking ‘’That would be Great. I’m over by the beach.’’

As he walked to his lounge chair, Herschell felt really relaxed. He had enjoyed the pool and the Hot Tub and had met a lovely woman. She had a boyfriend, but it was still great meeting her.

He laid back in his chair and the waitress was over within seconds ‘’Can I get you another drink?’’ Herschell nodded. ‘’Yeah, that Miami Vice was very nice, but I’ll go for a straight Pina Colada.’’

Herschell was enjoying every second of the heat beating on his body. He closed his eyes and was thinking about how the Diplomat pool area was paradise. He felt a shadow blocking his sun and thought the waitress was back (she moved quickly) and when he opened his eyes he received a pleasent surprise, it was Sarina.

‘’Hi Hersh, is there anybody using this chair beside you? Herschell shook his head. ‘’As far as I know, it’s open.’’ She giggled ‘’Great, if you don’t mind I’m going to join you. It was fun talking with you in the Hot Tub.’’

Herschell watched Sarina lower herself on to the chair. His Pina Colada arrived almost simultaneously. ‘’Sarina, can I buy you a drink?’’ Once again there was a little giggle. ‘’That would be lovely, but you don’t need to buy it for me. I can charge it to my room.’’ Herschell shook his head. ‘’It’ll be my pleasure. I’m really happy you’ve joined me. What would you like to drink?’’ Sarina pointed at the Pina Colada, ‘’That looks perfect.’’ The waitress turned and moved away towards the bar.

Herschell propped himself up on his side. ‘’Uh, Sarina, I don’t want your boyfriend to be upset that you’re here beside me. It’s the last thing I’d want.’’ Sarina shook her head. ‘Oh Don’t worry Hersh. Alexander is cool. I’m allowed to have friends, male and female. I also don’t think he’ll be arriving till later this afternoon.’’

The waitress was back with the drink for Sarina. ‘’Sir, should I keep running your tab?’’ Herschell nodded as Sarina took a sip of her Pina Colada. ‘’This is delicious Hersh, so refreshing. Thanks so much. Could you do me a favour? Would you mind putting some sun tan lotion on me?’’

Herschell couldn’t believe it. In his entire life he had never spread sun tan lotion on a beautiful woman. He stood up and she flipped on her stomach. He put lotion on her shoulders and back. She laughed when she said ‘’Don’t forget the back of my legs and my butt.’’

It was both a pleasure and awkward and felt intimate. When he went around her bathing suit and put lotion on her butt, she laughed. ‘’Thanks Hersh, I don’t want to get burnt in strategic places.’’

When he finished she turned over and took the lotion and slowly spread it over her front. It was like a commercial. Herschell looked away as she put some on her lower portion.

She sipped her Pina Colada and whispered ‘’Hersh, we’ve found paradise.’’ Herschell thought truer words had never been spoken, he was in his own kind of nirvanah.

The only thing he regretted was not having his sunglasses. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten them. They laid across from each other in silence for a couple of minutes when Sarina started talking again. ‘’Hersh, would you like to go for a walk on the beach with me. I could use some exercise.’’

It was extremely hot but Herschell didn’t want to lose the opportunity to walk with a gorgeous woman who seemed very interested in him. Maybe she didn’t have a boyfriend or things between her and her boyfriend weren’t great. Maybe she really liked him and they would start dating. There was a major age difference but they could overcome that. Bill Belichek and his girlfriend had a forty eight year difference and they seemed very happy. He was excited about getting to know Sarina better, and she really was gorgeous.

As they walked close to the water, Sarina looked at Herschell and grabbed his hand pulling him towards her. ‘’Hersh, you should walk closer to the water, it’s so refreshing.’’ She released his hand and they walked side by side. It was a dream for Herschell being realized. He was with the perfect woman.

‘’What do you do at home Hersh? Are you still in business or are you retired?’’ Herschell vehemently shook his head no. ‘’I’m very active and busy and still in business. I don’t think I’ll ever retire. I love what I do.’’ Sarina didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. ‘’Okay, so what do you do?’’ Herschell smiled ‘’I am a partner in a distillery. We make rum, vodka and gin. I also have an interest in a Craft brewery. I like to invest in things, so that keeps me busy.’’

Sarina smiled ‘’I wonder why I keep meeting guys in business. I’m a Kindergarden teacher. It’s a nice job, I get to have an impact on little children and it’s really fun. I’m not excited when they have accidents, but it’s part of the job and they’re so cute.’’

It was a healthy, long walk and Herschell was ready to get back to the Diplomat and another Pina Colada with Sarina. They walked to Hollywood Beach and turned around to head back to the hotel.

‘’I am so glad I met you Hersh, and I look forward to seeing your Condo. I really am serious about buying something down here. The weather is so gorgeous.’’

Herschell noticed she never mentioned her boyfriend. Things were moving in his direction. ‘’How long are you going to be staying at the Diplomat?’’ Sarina kicked at the dirt on the beach ‘’Unfortunately, I leave tomorrow, but I do intend to come back.’’ As soon as they got back to the hotel, Herschell was going to ask her out for dinner. He started thinking about possibilities. Sarina was the perfect woman. Maybe she was the one he was waiting for his whole life.

When they arrived back at the pool deck and headed towards their chairs, Herschell was going to invite her to dinner at a great Italian restaurant around the corner called ‘’Matteo’s.’’

Sarina sat down and Herschell was going to propose dinner when she let out a scream. ‘’Alexander! Finally, I’ve been going crazy waiting for you. I didn’t know if you’d ever show up.’’ She jumped up and met a tall, blonde guy who was about her age and gave him a passionate kiss. He was in extremely good shape and looked like a GQ model. Herschell could feel his heart sink.

There was no empty chairs in the row, so Sarina took her boyfriend’s hand and led him to her chair where she grabbed her Beach bag and stopped in front of Herschell. ‘’Alexander, this is my new friend Hersh. He has a condo around the corner from here and says the building is very affordable. Maybe we can look at buying a condo. Hersh gave me the details. He’s been great keeping me company while I waited for you.’’

Alexander gave Herschell a dismissive look. ‘’Nice to meet you Hersh. Take Care.’’ Sarina gave a little wave and she and her stud boyfriend walked off together tightly holding hands. All of a sudden the Diplomat experience didn’t seem as much fun. It was great meeting Sarina, but Herschell knew he had let his imagination run wild.

He looked at his watch, and was shocked that it was only one pm. He also was trying to figure out how long he was going to stay. He had been fine, but now he felt lonely. It was insane.

The waitress came over and asked if he wanted a drink or a bite and he asked for a bottle of water. He was finished with drinking alcohol. He knew he had to get back into a better frame of mind. He had known Sarina for a couple of hours and it wasn’t her fault he had gone overboard. Maybe the pool would be the solution.

Herschell stood up and went in and felt a new sense of relaxation. He was there to enjoy the amenities and he would. The pool was refreshing and then he headed over to the hot tub where there was a couple of people. As he was getting into the tub he noticed Sarina laying on a lounge chair a few rows back, she gave him a quick wave and he reciprocated.

After making small talk with the people in the Hot Tub (one couple were from Holland) Herschell went back to his lounge chair and relaxed. He stayed till three o’clock and decided he had been there long enough.

He packed his stuff and headed off and Sarina yelled out ‘’Bye Hersh, Nice meeting you’’ and waved at him. He waved back and headed for the exit. She was a lovely person. It had been really nice meeting her but the reality was she could have been his Granddaughter. He laughed at the thought.

That night Herschell went with a bunch of people who lived in ‘’The Riviera Inter Coastal’’ for dinner at The Sicilian Oven. They asked him about the Diplomat Resort experience and he told them how fantastic it was. He told them the most important thing was to spend time in the Hot Tub, because you were guaranteed to met the most interesting people. He then paused for a second and thought about Sarina. It really had been a fun day. What were the odds they would’ve ever met under normal circumstances. He also knew one other thing for sure, there was another resort pass for the Diplomat Hotel in his future.

Herschell inadvertantly let out a loud chuckle (he was sure the people that he was with must have thought he was crazy) but he had to laugh. What had that rubbing of sun tan lotion on Sarina’s butt been all about? The more he thought about it, the more bizarre it seemed. Herschell would never forget his day at the Diplomat, it had been a very memorable adventure. He would classify it as almost Hot Tub Heaven.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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