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Sexual assault is a problem in our culture because many of us don’t have a healthy relationship with our own sexuality.
The Harvey Weinstein scandal opened the door to a much larger conversation—a conversation that needs to be had. When we take away all of the media hysteria, we are left with one essential question: Why does sexuality often become an avenue for predatory behavior?
The answer: Many people feel very weak and impotent in their lives, and the private realm of physical intimacy allows for people to soften that feeling of inadequacy by taking advantage of someone. It’s a power thing, really.
Despite everything that is happening in the media, rates of sexual assault have gone down 64% in the last decade. So, I don’t think this is all some massive conspiracy to keep women oppressed, even though that seems to be a controversial stance to take.
Still, there is a lot to be said about the unacceptable prevalence of sexual assault in our culture, particularly with young people.
The biggest issue from my perspective is that there is not enough real sexual education. What happens in schools across the country is an absolute joke. We learn about the ins and outs of the placenta and the urethra, in an attempt by our teachers to hopefully scare us away from engaging in any kind of sexual activity.
But what they should be telling us about is what sex really is on a personal level, and instruct us how to manage our desires in a healthy way. We should be learning about intimacy, and this is completely missing from sex ed.
So, how can we prevent sexual assault?
What many people don’t really think much about is that there is actually a fine line between sexual assault and healthy sexual behavior, but once that line is crossed, then there is no going back. It is not easy for a lustful 18-year-old with no real sexual education to know how to navigate new sexual experiences.
It is up to young men to know where to draw the line. So here is a list to help young men understand where that line is, so that we can avoid more of these horrifying #metoo stories.
1. Be vocal. We should ask our potential sexual partner more than once whether this is what they really want.
2. Err on the side of caution. If there is any sign that the other person is not interested, be willing to put a stop to the engagement for a few moments and get a better understanding of the situation.
3. If we are under the influence of any substances, we shouldn’t trust our instincts. Many sexual assault cases involve drugs and alcohol. They give us a distorted sense of reality and awaken our more primal instincts. Ingesting substances of any kind is a personal choice. But if we are under the influence, we need to be more cognizant of the situation, rather than embody the natural instinct to just “go with it”.
4. Don’t be an a**hole. This is a human being, not an object. This is not about winning a prize, it is about having a consensually joyful experience with another person. If we can bear that in mind, it should be impossible to harm someone. We are embarking on a sexual journey together, not using each other for pleasure.
Sexual assault is obviously a complicated issue. Its causes are social, psychological, and biological, so there’s no way we are going to prevent all of these #metoo cases through one particular means. Scaring men into sexual paralysis doesn’t make much sense.
Personally, I try to look at it from the ground up, because prevention starts with the individual. Things get tricky when we try to institutionalize a means of prevention, because other than castrating all men, I don’t think there is any kind of institutional solution to ending sexual assault. If we can all take it upon ourselves to be more aware of our sexual experiences, then perhaps we could move past this epidemic.
There are always going to be some predators among us, which is why we have a court of law. As for the everyday person, I think we can all do more to help women (and men) avoid these traumatizing experiences, and not have to be constantly on guard in casual hookups. I have many women in my life that I care about, and I don’t want them to feel victimized or abused in any way.
This is not the most popular opinion, but I feel that rather than engaging in these media witch hunts, we should start having the right kinds of conversations in our own communities about how to deal with this issue. We are not going to stop sexual assault by going after famous people that have done bad things that give us a false sense of self-righteousness.
We have to address the root of the issue—predatory action. We have to be honest with ourselves about our own capacity to harm other people (we are not perfect angels), and learn to engage in safe sexual practices (promote real sexual education that is free of a political agenda).
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