Jordan Gray says that, as much as we often try to resist it, leaning on others is healthy.
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Western society loves its steady junk food diet of independence and autonomy.
We are constantly being force fed the idea of self-sufficiency.
“Become amazing, do it by yourself, don’t complain… Be all that you can be… You don’t need someone else to complete you… Depending on others is a sign of weakness.”
Being overweight on this ‘Me First’ type of thinking has caused us to be severely malnourished in terms of having fulfilling relationships.
When you are overly focused on your needs and your happiness, then you stop focusing on others. Independence and connection are not mutually exclusive.
But instead of finding a partner we become too independent. We stay busy working on our lives and our selves, to avoid any semblance of connection and intimacy. We fear that if we slow down we will feel the loneliness that our hearts are trying to tell us about.
How To Lean On Others In A Healthy Way
Here are three quick steps to get you back to a place of connection and fulfillment.
1. Challenge Your Beliefs
First off, it’s important to think about where you try to ‘go it alone’ too much. Where in your life are you afraid to ask for help? In love? In your job? From your parents or friends?
And then think about why you try and go it alone. Are you trying to prove to someone that you are capable of being independent? Do you feel like you would be perceived as weak if you asked for help?
Realize that no person can exist completely independently of others. Humans are a social species and we need each other to survive. At a certain point, you’re going to have to let others in.
2. Take Stock Of Your Social Circle
How many people in your life would you say really know you? I mean REALLY know you. They know your fears, your insecurities, your dreams, your aspirations…
If your answer is anywhere between 1-5, that’s amazing. That is already better than most people who report having zero confidantes in their life.
But if you can’t truthfully answer that anyone really knows you, maybe it’s time to start reaching out more often.
3. Listen To Your Fears
You know those things that you’re nervous about doing? Maybe you don’t want to reach out because it will make you look desperate… needy… powerless. Or you fear that it might make you indebted to someone or lower than them in some way?
Well congratulations, whatever whisper in your mind just popped up… you just signed up to do it. Our fears and insecurities can be our greatest teachers when we start listening to them more often.
What Do We Really Need?
The truth of the matter is that, as much as we try to resist it, we need other people. We need them to teach us, to nurture us, to love us, and to help us grow.
And as happy, independent, and self-sufficient as you can become on your own, a much faster path to fulfillment would be embracing the intimacy and community that already exists all around you.
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Jordan Gray is the relationship coach for entrepreneurs. This post originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com
The very sad thing about these type of women is that they really think they’re all that which makes them more very pathetic as well since they have the worst personality with a very bad attitude problem too.
You can put all of this out there but you should also address society and being there for others. I don’t necessarily think that people have a fear of asking for help as they do the knowledge and question of who will be there if/when you ask. Unfortunately, this is reality of our world today. From the people who are just “so busy” all of the time, to the “spiritual yogi’s” who will tell you that you’re bringing any problems upon yourself, to the want for a significant other in a world where few are willing and equipped to go… Read more »
What’s wrong with being single? I have a Ph.D. and can make more money than most men. I wanted a baby, so I went to a fertility clinic and got one. What can a man do for me that I can’t do for myself? I don’t need their money nor do I need their sperm.
The biggest challenge I have seen around me is a lack of trust. There’s a lack of trust between people to honestly open up and share what they are really feeling, simply out of a fear of judgement and rejection. This goes so deep, especially when most men have been raised to not acknowledge their feelings let alone openly share them with others, coupled with our biological need to be accepted in social groups. I think the most important thing people can do, is to have a better understanding of who they are and what they want to accomplish, and… Read more »