How COVID Made Me a Dad

No doubt about it — COVID-19 may be the worse thing that many of us have lived through. But as the saying goes in every dark cloud, there is a silver lining. And for me, the silver lining, no — the gold lining, has been I can finally be a dad.

I have been a father for nearly fourteen years. But rarely had time to be a dad.

Work was my life. I had started my own business in 2012 and dedicated myself to it. Having my own business meant I had no boss. But it also meant I had no break. No time off. I would work seven days a week. I would work on holidays — yes even Christmas Day.

My business had clients in over fifty countries. This meant two things;

I would travel a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. In 2016 I calculated I spent almost three weeks in the air. That’s a lot of time on an aeroplane. Especially in economy class(when it’s your business, there is no business!) I would spend months away at a time. My dad duties were Facetime calls to distracted kids in a time that was always inconvenient. Fathers Day 2015, I had a quick one minute call with my kids, as I ran through an airport to get a connecting flight.
Having customers in so many countries, meant I was always on email. I was working across all time zones. Skype calls (remember Skype — its what we use before Zoom), online presentations, meetings. Non-stop. My sons would tell me I was always on my phone. Always.

PRE COVID — the role of father

Child: “Dad, can we play football.”

Father: “After this call.”

The call would drag on until it was dark. There would be no football.

Child: “Dad, can you help me with homework?”

Father: “I just need to finish this email.”

The email would be finished and followed by another. Homework would be completed long before I logged off.

Sure, I was there at their sports games — looking at my phone. I was at school presentations — looking at my phone. I was present without being present. Even the other fathers, I mean dads, would joke about me always being on my phone.

I rarely missed events, but I rarely engaged in events. I certainly wasn’t an absent father. My sons knew I loved them, they knew — I hoped, that I was working for them.

Child: “Dad, come check this out!”

Father: “Shh, I’m on a call!”

It really hit me when I planned a rare day off to make a day trip with a friend and his son to the nearby snowfields. Just before we left, I got an urgent work call — a few matters needed to be attended to. So while my friend drove and the three children chatted away, I was on my laptop. The three-hour drive I was working and missing out. When we got to the ski fields, the others hit the slopes, and I stayed in the lodge to work.

A Father, trying to be, but still not a Dad.

I vowed to change, but I didn’t.

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Boom!

COVID hit. And after eight years, my business collapsed.

For the first week or so, I was down. I had suffered from anxiety previously, and this was hard for me to take. Eight years gone. Now I had to create a resume, apply for jobs. I hadn’t had a job interview for twelve years! I was severely stressed. Should I apply to work in a grocery store — they needed staff? Uber Driver? Amazon warehouse? I couldn’t think of many job opportunities on offer.

But after a week, I made a decision. I wouldn’t leap straight into another job. I would refocus. I would become a dad. Now was the perfect time to make up for all the lost time. I wouldn’t be traveling for a long time. I wouldn’t be making early morning/late night Skype calls. There would be no emails. I thought back to that time at the ski fields.

My new business would be my two sons. My new role would be DAD.

Initially, it was hard. Like an addict needing a hit, I would automatically reach for my iPhone. Wake up early and head straight for my laptop. And then realize, I had no urgent emails, no critical meetings. But, I did have two sons.

We were forced into lockdown, but it gave me time with them. We played board games. They showed me their favorite Playstation games. We walked the dog. We had poker tournaments. All without a schedule. Or a call to interrupt. Homeschooling began, and I became a teacher. Math, English, Sport, Music. I loved it.

I would hear other parents complain. The kids are always home now, its so hard! Homeschooling is the worst. All we did is argue with our children. We can’t wait to get back to normal.

Not me.

Post-COVID — the role of dad

Dad: “Sons, can we play football?”

Child: “Yeah, dad — let’s go!”

Dad: “Who needs help with their homework?”

Child: “Can you explain this math equation to me?” (I hate Math but at least I tried.)

There is the difference. It is not them coming to me and me being busy. I am approaching them and being involved.

At their football club, I am the Team Manager. I leave the phone in the car when they practice. I attend every session. Now the other parents comment on how much time I put in with the boys.

When we are allowed to travel, we will go back to the ski fields. Without a laptop. And I won’t spend all day in the lodge.

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I have a new role. One I don’t put on LinkedIn but is my proudest role. After thirteen years as a father, I am now a dad.

How has COVID affected me? It has changed me in a very positive way. I am in a non-paying role, but it’s the best role of my life.

Dad. I hope all the fathers out there become dads.

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This post was previously published on Psiloveyou.xyz.

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