TO LOVE OR NOT TO LOVE
Being in love is wonderful. The senses really go crazy. I would argue it’s better than sex. With sex you have a period on a sentence. Being in love is like a chapter. Love goes way past the first line in your story book. There’s something about seeing your person. This person moves your heart. You can hardly speak. If you were not both feeling the same thing…you might just be obsessed. How does it go from ‘in love’ to ‘complacency’?
I’ll tell you.
I’m asking serious questions here. What changes after a week? How about a month? How about a year? What about a decade?
What is it about the human condition which makes us grow unappreciative?
I can’t speak for women. They are their own species. I can speak for men though. I am a man. Albeit a different type of man.
None the less I consider myself one of us.
MEN DO THE MOST TO GET WHAT THEY THROW AWAY
Do you remember your first date? I’m talking about the one your husband showed up to. Not your first date as a child. The date for your husband was different.
He engaged your eyes. He made subtle attempts to hold your hand. You were the only woman in the room. He guessed what you like. He paid attention. He wanted no refund for time spent. He would text you before you got home, after you closed the door and in the morning.
Then one day.
He stopped.
What happened?
Why is the effort to prove himself wasted? Why is the gaze for you suddenly diverted to the next woman in the mall when you’re not looking?
Why did the love stray? Why is he throwing away all his hard work to get you?
It comes down to two types.
The types I discuss apply only to high earning, exceptional men who make conscious choices to commit to a single woman. These types are emotional. One is mature. The other is…you guessed it…immature.
TYPE ONE — MEET MAN #1 THE APPRECIATIVE MAN WHO’S UNGRATEFUL
I was this man once. This is a man who appreciates things but isn’t grateful for them.
This man admires people, events, and things. Typically, this man is a very accomplished person in life. This man works hard, focuses himself to accomplish goals and is called “stubborn”.
He will not let others interrupt his work. If you call, he will tell you he is working. He demands productivity for his time. He is annoyed if people do not value his time. He cuts off people who talk nonsense. He is very judgmental about everyone but himself.
He justifies his actions with end goals. Often you hear him make statements like, “The ends justify the means.”
He also takes things very personally. If you hurt him emotionally, he justifies any transgressions. He sees everything as an equal exchange. He typically lacks work on himself because he works on others all the time.
His nature is giving. He is generous with everyone but himself. Overworking himself for others means he puts no effort into himself. Therefore, he can suffer from depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues. Surprisingly he does not recognize any self-esteem issues. Ego and accomplishments mask these problems.
Ironically, he cannot look at his accomplishments objectively. He cannot see how far he has come. He can only think of what is next. He thinks in the frame of “more” instead of “enough”. Outwardly he appears confident, but it is ego which drives him. Inwardly, he feels insecure. He pacifies this insecurity with accomplishing more.
This man overshadows his insecurities with third party validation. This includes…you guessed it…the wife.
TYPE 1 REASON FOR FALLING OUT OF LOVE
When his wife stops validating him, he begins to fall out of love. If she tears him down, he stops appreciating her.
At the heart of this issue is him…not her.
While tearing anyone down is not good, he lacks empathy. He cannot understand why a woman would tear a man like him down.
He isn’t grateful. Gratitude is not an idea. Gratitude is a deep-felt emotion. The emotion is foreign to him. Lack of gratitude means he doesn’t possess humility.
It is easy for him to self-justify getting another woman. He abruptly leaves her. He blind sides her. He isn’t a cheater. He is principle based. He isn’t appreciated by his wife anymore so it’s over. He leaves like an a** hole.
When his wife stops validating him, he begins to fall out of love. If she tears him down, he stops appreciating her.
A high earning man who doesn’t cheat is a commodity. This is hard to come by. That’s why she stays. All her friends get cheated on regularly. Remember male monogamy is rare.
He forgets how hard it is to marry. He confuses dating, attention, and sex with his marriage. As a result, his delusion tells him it’s the same.
This man needs to “grow up”. If you can successfully identify his immaturity and take him to counseling…he will become the adult husband, you dream. Provided he’s at a place where you still can salvage your relationship.
TYPE TWO — MEET MAN #2 THE GRATEFUL MAN WITH STANDARDS
This is the man I am now. This is a man who is grateful because he gains humility. Humility comes from being humiliated. A man only knows humility if he was humiliated.
This man admires values, ethics, and honor. This man is a more accomplished person than Type 1. He has notoriety. He no longer needs to tell people who he is. Type 1 must always tell people who he is. With Type 2, people recognize who he is.
This man works efficient, accomplish his goals through team effort and is called “empowering”.
He will interrupt his work for simple things. Such as telling you he loves you. He will respectfully pause a meeting and answer your call. He will make the room know it is his wife who is present. As a result, he answers nearly all your calls. He will demand his time be spent with those that matter. He values his time but understands everyone’s time is valuable. He will listen to nonsense respectfully. Even in nonsense there is a lesson. He is works on himself every day. He is not perfect, but he is better than most. He admits he is better than no one.
His actions are about principle not results. Often you will hear him make statements like, “The effort is good enough.”
He does not take anything personally. If you hurt him emotionally, he will take time to compose himself. He will come back and effectively communicate his feelings. If you fail to recognize them, he will respectfully disassociate himself.
His nature is giving. He is generous with everyone, but he is most generous with himself. He puts the most effort into himself. Therefore, people benefit from a man who has sound values, principles, and ethics.
He objectively understands his accomplishments. He sees how far he has come. He thinks of where he must go. He realistically approaches shared goals. He thinks in the frame of “enough” instead of “more”. He is confident. Ego is absent. Inwardly, he feels secure. You notice his security by the way he handles insults. No one is allowed to control his feelings but him.
TYPE 2 REASON FOR FALLING OUT OF LOVE
There are few men of principle because it is both inconvenient and emotionally challenging to adhere to principles.
When a woman minimizes his feelings, he will disengage. He will act in love with you. He will hold your hand. He has feelings.
You have his undivided attention.
Despite his feelings if you cross a line in his sand he will walk away despite his feelings. If a woman does not respect boundaries, or agree with his principles he will abruptly terminate the relationship. A man who has principles is an unmovable man.
You will know this beforehand. He will explain to you who he is. He will use the word “convictions”. The man will also clearly explain what type of woman he cannot deal with. He will do this upfront.
If you reveal a part of you that he is not prepared to accept he will politely end the relationship. If you hide what he does not accept you can only blame yourself for him abruptly leaving.
There are few men of principle because it is both inconvenient and emotionally challenging to adhere to principles.
This will happen even if he is in love with you. This is the hard part. Men will not stay just for their emotional connection. Men like this hold to principles. It is no one’s job to convince someone else what principle they hold.
It’s called moving different. Not everyone moves the same. It doesn’t mean feelings are not real. The feelings were real. Men don’t stay because of feelings. That’s a woman thing.
YOU ACTUALLY DON’T WANT COMPROMISE IN MEN
A man of compromise is what most women think they want.
The issue with a man who compromises is he will compromise his loyalty to you when things are tough. A man who refuses to compromise his morals, values or principles will refuse to compromise his loyalty to you.
An uncompromising man is the most likely man to never cheat on you.
I don’t want a compromising woman. I want an uncompromising woman. I need to see if our principles line up with each other. Complimentary principles equal harmony. Now you understand why men say they want “peace” and “harmony”.
With harmony both find peace.
Unharmonious relationships are full of conflict which require compromise. Disagreements are healthy. Conflict is unhealthy. No one agrees on everything. Men like this are not delusional.
There is no peace in a compromising relationship. There are only constant fights and conflict. Typically, this ends with divorce. No one wants a lifetime of conflict. I challenge this view. This view fuels the delusion compromise is necessary.
The men who constantly compromise are weaker men than those who don’t compromise. Show me a man who conquered the world through compromise. I’ll show you a man who is a liar.
Thoughtful disagreement is different. It can end with “we agree to disagree”. This end still results in a hug, kiss and embrace.
DON’T ASK FOR A HYPOCRITE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Remember, women you cannot have your cake and eat it too. The male mind does not work in twos. We are not both compromising and uncompromising. We are one or the other. If you are a compromising person and an uncompromising person you are a “hypocrite”.
The men who constantly compromise are weaker men than those who don’t compromise. Show me a man who conquered the world through compromise. I’ll show you a man who is a liar.
Hypocrisy is for Type 1 not Type 2.
WE DON’T FALL OUT OF LOVE WHEN WE WALK AWAY
Type 2 never fall out of love. We choose to walk away from those we are in love with. If your man is talking about breaking up with you it is because you are crossing his principle. Maybe you can still be his person.
You must respect his principles. You cannot change his principles. If you do not accept them fine. You cannot persuade a principle-based person. You can just choose not to deal with them. If their principles do not align with your beliefs, you are not a right fit.
I KNOW IT ISN’T FAIR
Sometimes a principle-based person is unfair. Life is not fair though. For instance, an event in your childhood cannot be changed. Despite this fact, a man may walk away from you because of a childhood event. It’s unfair. I understand. You can’t change what happened to you. This does not mean you’re a bad person. It just means it’s against a man’s principle. It is also unfair for you to tell a man what his principle should be.
If you want to sculpt a guy that’s fine. That guy is a boy. A guy who will change his principles is not yet a man. Men are grown up. We all continue to grow. I didn’t say we stop growing. What men don’t do is grow into something else.
Decide who you want. I hope this article helped you understand how these types of men fall out of love and walk away from those they are in love with.
To your knowledge success!
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Resources:
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”
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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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