How Frugality Towards Yourself Can Influence Your Relationships

One of the popular pieces of relationship advice is to give yourself what you want to receive from a partner, including flowers and dates.

Initially, I didn’t really see how this made sense. I could already enjoy life by myself, which I often did anyways, and then a big part of the fun of being taken out on dates is to be pampered by someone else.

But then, I could finally understand why this is actually important.

How I came to the realization

Since last year, I’ve been trying to be more discipline with money so that I can invest in a personal development course.

I started to save money on things I wanted but weren’t strictly necessary, and I was proud every time I could resist temptation. I would go to the supermarket and only get what’s essential, and I would cut on delicious takeaways or nice pampering items such as face masks and lattes.

However, I realized how I’ve been treating myself less and less generously, and it started to feel really scarce.

I began to feel that if I were my own lover, I would often be convincing myself how I should settle for a less enjoyable alternative for the sake of saving an extra euro.

The feeling of scarcity is restrictive. And I’ve noticed how it is messing up with my inner desires, as they are not listened to nor honored. I’m adding layers and layers of conditioning on top of them, every time I created stories on how I shouldn’t buy something for pampering myself. It didn’t feel good at all.

I want to enjoy life and feel abundant, and yet this restriction began to rewire my subconscious to settle for less. A lot of my mental energy has been spent on how to save a few extra euros and convince myself out of my desires, rather than enjoying life like I used to and trusting that money comes back to me even if I spend it, just like it always did.

I was rewiring myself towards scarcity instead of abundance.

The problem with rewiring my subconscious to scarcity and limitations is that it rewires me to settle for less than what I desire. And this spreads to all areas of my life.

How treating myself better is healing my subconscious conditioning

Some days ago, I’ve made a decision to undo this conditioning. I began to buy myself face masks and anything I really desire at the moment.

I also began to carry myself with pride instead of feeling like a peasant.

“If I were my own lover, how would I treat myself?”

“What would be delicious to experience at this moment?”

“If money isn’t an issue, what would I desire right now?”

I began to treat myself like a queen. I began to pay attention to how I dress and how I adorn myself with jewelry and makeup as a ritual to honor my inner queen.

Even during the shower, I would mindfully slow down while washing myself, and treat all parts of my body with respect and love.

I would call myself an Uber or have takeaway if I really feel like it. This not only saves me lots of time and effort but also felt good.

The feeling of gratitude for having money to pamper myself also felt really good every time I treated myself well.

I realized how shifting the way I treat myself shifts the level of treatment I’d accept, both from myself and others. When I create the habit of satisfying my desires, I create the habit of not settling for less than what I yearn for.

If I feel abundant, I shy away from scarcity and feel less attached as I can trust that my desires are always met, in one way or another.

Scarcity drives us to hold onto less ideal situations, as we unconsciously feel we need to preserve everything we have no matter how little it is. Whereas abundance leads us to trust that as long as we honor what we really desire, we can let go of what’s not fully aligned to allow space for what’s truly aligned to come.

Lastly, life is more fun when instead of having our minds so focused on why we can’t pamper ourselves for the sake of a few extra euros, we get to fantasize about the possibilities of how we can fulfill our desires.

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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.

If you find this interesting, feel free to check out other related articles:

Breaking Up — Sometimes, the Only Way to Save a Relationship

3 Feminine Principles That Improved My Relationships

Behind Strong Attractions — The Magnetic Pull Between Us And Our Wound Counterparts

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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