This guy shared on Reddit a glitch he had with his wife. He told her he believes most people are a 5 out of 10, in a beauty scale.
Of course, she asked back:
Inspired by this story, another Reddit user shared his own experience. He had a talk with his girlfriend of a few months, and they agreed they would always be honest with each other. A few days later, they were lying in bed together and he mentioned one of his ex’s, and how she had been so important in his life.
Of course, this woman also had to ask:
He proceeded to explain that he had been with his ex at a defining moment in his life, while battling depression, and she had been instrumental in helping him get out of it. Also, remember, his relationship with the current girlfriend was just a couple of months old.
How Regular People Interpret These Stories
I came across these stories because they were discussed in a podcast I listened to. A funny podcast, usually debating light subjects, made by a group of straight men and women.
They all laughed at the cases and suggested to the Reddit guys, and to everyone listening, to never get yourself in a situation like this. And if you ever do, this is what you should say — according to them:
But… Why?
Why would you tell your wife she’s a 12/10 when that is clearly an exaggeration? (I am not even going to start debating the women objectification issue here).
Why would you tell your girlfriend of 3 months that you love her more than you loved your ex, with whom you shared 5 years and life-changing experiences?
Are you always supposed to make your partner feel like the most amazing person on Earth, and the most special person to you, out of everyone you ever met?
What’s the point? Avoiding an argument? Staying at a surface level, where people say everything they are supposed to say, but mean none of it?
Such an attitude is more of a pointless societal constraint than an effective way to create and maintain honest and deep relationships.
What You Should Understand
You shouldn’t be 100% honest with your partner, 100% of the time. That would remove all filters that make humans capable of creating connections in the first place.
This kind of answer is okay, we all tell white lies to make other people feel good every now and then.
But anniversary cakes are not that big of a deal, are they? Human connection and personal feelings are.
If you want to create a meaningful connection with your partner, your interaction should be based on acknowledging and respecting these three pillars, always:
1. Neither of you is perfect
Because nobody is. You might love each each other like crazy, but you don’t love each other because there are no imperfections. You love each other despite of the imperfections. You learn to accept them, and even find them charming, but they exist — don’t deny them.
2. Everyone has baggage
Unless you are super young and this is your first relationship, most people have a dating history. For some reason, we tend to believe the next relationship is always better than the previous one. But why would it be, necessarily? Sometimes, it is just different. You don’t love girlfriend #3 more than #2, and #2 more than #1. Maybe you loved them all with the same intensity, but in different ways.
You know this, and your partner knows it too, about their own relationships. So why pretend otherwise?
3. Humans are the most complex “thing” in the universe
You create magic with another human being when you connect in a higher level. To do this, you need to let go of social constraints, personal insecurities and all expectations.
Nothing is black and white — not you, not your partner, not your relationship. Your wife might not be “your type” physically. Your girlfriend might not complement you in every way you need. And your partner might not be the best lover you ever had. And still, you might love them like you never loved anyone else.
We all have layers and multitudes inside us, and so do our connections. Reducing them just so you can fit into stereotypes and familiar ideas is reducing the possibility of a true, deep connection. Embrace that relationships have no scripts, and you will finally experience a real communion with another person.
Before You Leave
The media and people around you can be so clueless when talking about relationships. I grew up in a rural area, hearing jokes like this on the regular:
This is not funny. It’s extremely sad.
It’s sad because it shows how many people never reach the next level in their relationships. They remain prisoners of the preconceived ideas that society imprinted on them. Ideas about how a relationship should be, what they should tell their partners, and what to expect from others.
They swim in tepid waters all their lives, afraid of cooling it off if they speak their truth. Completely ignorant that, if they dared to be honest and vulnerable, they would be bathing in a luxurious hot tub.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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