It is absolutely nerve-wracking to meet your in-laws when you truly care about your partner.
If you’re anything like me, you spent hours grilling your parents about what to say, and what not to say. Maybe you even asked your friends for advice.
And then when you finally meet the in-laws, you never really know if they like you, only if they don’t like you.
I’m lucky because I have an incredible relationship with my in-laws. I go golfing with my father-in-law and for lunches with my mother-in-law. Best of all, our family dinners are filled with laughter and love.
I want to share with you exactly how you can create a healthy relationship with your in-laws.
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Be yourself
Parents can smell bullshit. If you are putting on an act to be who you think they want you to be… they’ll figure it out quickly. If not the first time you meet them, then most likely the second time.
Here is the thing. Their child loves you, and they raised their child. So chances are they will appreciate a lot of your qualities!
This doesn’t mean you should be inappropriate. You still need to have manners and be kind. Just don’t hide your true personality.
Let it shine.
Show them you love their child.
They spent years taking care of and raising their child, your partner. The last thing they want is for their son or daughter to get married to someone who doesn’t truly love them.
This is your queue. Show them that you love their child, that you will go out of the way for them, and that you will take care of them until the day you die.
That’s all they want at the end of the day.
Every parent is going to understand that in different ways though.
Some parents want to know you love their child and how they want to be loved, whereas other parents want to make sure their child is financially taken care of.
If you’re lucky, their main concern is happiness, because that is the easiest one for them to see. When they see their child laughing with love in their eyes, they’ll love you too.
Respect their culture and traditions
Parents come from a different generation — a generation where culture and traditions are often the most important thing. They want to know that their culture will be passed on to the next generation and that their traditions will not die.
Hopefully, you are serious enough with your partner that you’ve had those conversations by now. It is important that you both stand together on these fundamental things because they are very important in relationships.
Under the assumption that you have talked about it, and are both on the same page, then show that to your in-laws. You have to show them that you value and appreciate their culture and traditions.
This will make many parents very pleased, and more likely to like you.
Ask them about themselves
If there is anything parents enjoy doing, it is to talk about what they’re up to and to give advice.
Here are some great questions to ask your in-laws:
- About difficulties they faced in their career and how they overcame them
- What has helped their relationship flourish
- Any advice related to their interests
- Any books they recommend
- What their parents were like
- Their best parenting advice
People like to talk about themselves, and parents love to talk about their kids. Those are the main two things you need to remember when talking to them.
Ask questions, and pay attention.
Spend genuine time with them
Your in-laws thanks to you now quite likely see their child less. That is why it is extremely important to spend genuine time with them.
They want your company, and they want the company of their child.
Go out for lunches and dinners, play sports together, have board game nights, and go to the movies.
Figure out what activities and hobbies they like and do those things with them.
This will help you have things to talk about and create a much stronger relationship. Best of all, it allows them to spend more time to get to know you and see their child.
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Conclusion
By following this advice, you are far more likely to have a healthy relationship with your in-laws. This is what worked for me, and I’m confident it will work for you!
Remember to be genuine the entire time, be yourself, and show love.
For most parents, just knowing their child is happy and in good hands will make them love you, regardless of whatever weird quarks you have that they may or may not know about you!
Best of luck!
We love you!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Rajiv Perera on Unsplash
