How Long Does It Take for You To Find the Right Person on Dating App?

“Why would you go looking for a boyfriend online? Are you that desperate?” — said my aunt’s friend commenting on her online dating journey.

Not so encouraging, I know.

And I’ve been there too where you’re surrounded by conservative people. It subconsciously puts pressure on you to find that special someone FAST.

Like, it has to be fast otherwise they’re right that you’re only wasting your time.

But how fast can it be? Wait, is it even in your control?

If you’ve been trying out dating apps or are even currently in it and actively seeking, you know how hard it is to find someone who’s compatible with you.

With all the new dating apps that are coming our way, it’s even harder for singles to decide when and who they actually want to settle down with.

The FOMO feelings got into them sometimes. Thinking that with so many options out there, what if you pick the wrong one?

Here’s the best way to deal with that FOMO feeling

The grass on the outside isn’t always greener. That’s just the truth.

However, many refuse to believe it because hey! there’s no way we’re running out of single people and there has to be someone better out there for me, right?

Well, that one perspective is what caused people to stay single but unhappy. That feeling is also what people usually called as FOMO (fear of missing out).

I know it’s not fun to deal with those feelings. But also understand that you won’t know what kind of partner you want until you give it a try.

You stick with one person and do your best to make it work. Yes, it’s true that there always be someone else for you out there but that someone doesn’t necessarily better than the person you’re currently with.

Many people also have a false belief about finding one. For me, it doesn’t truly exist. We make the person we’re with “the one”.

If we’re compatible and are worth the time and energy, then there it is, we’ve found the one.

People mistakenly think they’ll just find the one on Tinder or Bumble but change their minds once they have some flaws within that person.

They forget that each of us has baggage. We all have scars from our past relationships that we still bring to the current relationship. Just because they aren’t perfect, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give them a chance.

So, how long does it take for one to find a partner through online dating?

I wish I could give you the number of days, months, or years.

But I can’t. From my own experience and the people around me, it all depends on how secure you’re emotionally and mentally.

Someone with anxious attachment issues and who hasn’t worked on it yet will find the right person a bit longer than those who already know what they want.

Sure, they might meet some people along the way but those are usually the bad ones for them. The ones who do nothing but add up her/his issues.

That’s why it’s highly important to know who you are and what you want in a partner before you put yourself out there.

Especially on dating apps where people can be so heartless, that they don’t even care about your well-being.

In short, you need to know your worth.

You need to know when to walk away when the relationship started getting toxic. You need to say “no” when people demand things that you aren’t comfortable with.

I’ve been in those situations where I was desperate in looking for a partner because I couldn’t bear the loneliness anymore. Thought dating someone new would fix it and I’d be happy again — of course, I was wrong.

But I’m not alone in making this mistake. Some don’t even know if it’s a mistake until they hit the 3rd one and by that time they’ve lost so much.

So if you’ve been thinking about why you can’t find the right person to have a relationship with through online dating, perhaps it’s time to change your focus back to yourself.

Just like they say, sometimes the best thing happens when you don’t even expect it. The more desperate you’re, the more chances you’ll attract people who are bad for you.

So take your time and work on yourself. What’s the rush?

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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