Shannon Ashley’s recent article provoked an interesting thought. She brought up how much hatred she received regularly. Readers often came with vicious personal attacks, criticizing the very issues she’s open and vulnerable about. Having read a good amount of her work, I never found her to be unlikeable. However, I do pick up on her deep struggle with low self-esteem.
As someone who’s had a poor view of myself through school, I know exactly what she’s dealing with. Although I’m always nice to others, they seem to not reciprocate the same amount of respect. I often asked myself, “why don’t people like me? Yet they beg some of my friends for attention, friends that aren’t so different from me.”
I blamed the world. It was everyone else’s fault for not recognizing my value as a person. Over time, I realized people were simply responding to my vibe. I exuded a sense of discomfort and shame towards myself, causing others around me to subconsciously reject me.
People didn’t like me because I didn’t like myself.
But loving yourself is harder than it sounds. Most people who think they love themselves only do it on a superficial level. They love their face. They love their car. They love their shoes. They love many of the things they possess, but not who they are.
What unconditional love requires is a willingness to accept not only the good but also the shameful parts of yourself. More specifically, being okay with your insecurities. You might hate the fat on your belly when looking into the mirror, but rejecting it as a part of you deepens your anxiety. If you simply acknowledge this lesser part of yourself with honesty, you can start to own who you are and move towards doing something about it. Otherwise, you get stuck on an endless loop of self-improvement.
Love yourself like it’s your job.
—
Previously published medium
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: istock