Breaking up with him over a text is the cruelest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m not proud and I wish I could turn back the time so I could do it properly. He didn’t deserve it.
On the other hand, that also explained my old habit of fexting and eventually ending a relationship through texts.
Why? Because I hated face-to-face conversations. They’re uncomfortable. They make you have this indescribable pain in your stomach.
So closing a bad chapter over text was the best thing to do. At least that’s what I thought.
Fexting or fighting over text is what kills most relationships. Yet many people are still making the same mistakes as I did. It’s easier to do it than having to see someone’s expression during the talk.
But you’ll never be able to build a long-term relationship that’s also healthy at the same time if you keep this habit.
Let me explain why.
You aren’t supposed to talk about serious issues over texts
In relationships, texting doesn’t equal communicating.
There are too many misunderstandings that’ll happen and it’s always best to avoid them.
When did the last time you have a fight with someone through chat and solve the problem right away?
The last time I had it, it escalated to a bigger problem instead.
There were full of long paragraphs trying to explain my side. I let my ego take over. I didn’t know how sad or angry my partner looked and I cared too much about winning the arguments.
That wouldn’t happen if we sit down and have a face-to-face conversation. Or at least a video call.
People might argue that fexting gives them more time to think and it’s less painful. But let’s not forget that it’s also mentally exhausting and takes a longer time to solve a problem.
Fights can be good for your relationship as they can make the bond stronger but how you handle it is what will decide whether you’ll grow apart or closer.
There are many ways how to handle conflicts in your relationship but surely, fexting isn’t one of them.
Some more reasons to convince you why you shouldn’t do it in your relationship:
- When you fight over text, you’ll focus too much on your feelings and sympathize less with your partner’s pain.
- It’ll create misunderstandings and eventually lead to resentment.
- It can take days to solve the problem and by the time it’s solved, you’re already mentally drained.
- It creates an unhealthy habit for the relationship and most likely, you’ll do it again in the future.
With that being said, let’s unlearn the way we communicate our bad feelings toward our partners. It’s not too late to change the dynamic in our relationship.
There’s a better way to handle conflicts in your relationship
As I’ve learned how dangerous fexting is, I now become more aware of the way I address any issue in my current relationship.
Texting is meant for light conversations such as daily activities, small updates about what we’re up to, or our plans for the weekends.
No heavy topics whatsoever.
We try our best to avoid talking about relationship issues or future plans over text as we know it’ll escalate into a fight.
In texting, it’s easy to misinterpret our partner’s messages. So trying to prevent it to happen is the best thing we can do for our relationship.
So now what do you do when you’re so hurt that you can’t even speak on the phone with your partner? Take a break.
Here are also other recommendations that I still do:
- Acknowledge the issue is there but you don’t need to talk about it right away.
- Avoid trying to explain your point of view in a long text and wait for a couple of hours until you calm down.
- Distract your mind from the problem temporarily by getting out of the house and going for a walk. (This always helps me feel so much better).
- If it’s urgent, video calls your partner or make an appointment to meet in person.
My grandma always says, “how you fight with your partner will define the health of your relationship.” And fighting fair has been the best method to handle conflicts.
Not just that, but it’ll also strengthen the connection you have with your partner. It’s not an easy communication skill to learn but I can tell you it’s worth it.
The sad truth is, many people know how to jump into a new relationship but few of them actually know how to make it long-term.
That’s because they take one fight as a deal breaker, instead of a way to learn each other’s language.
They think they haven’t found the “one” yet but they forget to reflect on their own flaws.
In my world, “the one” doesn’t truly exist.
You find someone who’s on the same page from the beginning and put your 100% into making it work — no matter what.
This also means adjusting your old beliefs that might destroy your relationship.
Several years ago, I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way especially when I was angry but I love my partner enough to change and throw away bad habits.
Fexting is one of them.
Fighting over text will not only destroy your relationship but will also make you repeat the same cycle over and over again.
And I can assure you that the pain that comes from it isn’t worth it.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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