This article expresses personal opinions regarding language and culture. My intention is to explain that the connotations of language are important; in order to be kind, it’s vital that we allow the language of comfort to evolve. For the purpose of my analysis there are brief mentions of police brutality, the me too movement, and sexual assault.
When one of our fellow American citizens is murdered by a cop who has a knee to his neck while repeatedly saying,
I can’t breathe — George Floyd
for at least 8 minutes and 15 seconds, after pleading with officers, “I can’t breathe,” more than 20 times, we can no longer tell people to “just breathe” when we are trying to help them calm down. It’s inconsiderate. It’s insensitive. It’s triggering. We also can’t say,
Calm down. Take a deep breath.
The outcry against police brutality with the chanted phrase “I can’t breathe” began in 2014 with the murder of Eric Garner. Several more men have uttered this same phrase at the hands of brutal police since 2014. The Black Lives Matter Movement preceded this in 2013 following the murder of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin.
As the general American public becomes more aware of police brutality over the past decade, these phrases have tarnished in demonstrating the comfort they once contained.
Language is an ever-shifting expression of humanity. While this article addresses the serious impact of language, there are examples of language simply becoming outdated and obsolete. For example, Kodak moment, What’s the 411?, and Be kind, Rewind will soon vanish from common language because these technologies are no longer needed.
Just as the Kodak motto is phasing out because times have changed, there are instances where our verbiage needs to evolve, as well. Words can do more harm than good. As compassionate, empathetic, and evolving people we must consider whether or not comforting phrases become uncomfortable when there are shifts in the way we talk in our culture. We want the language of comfort to remain comforting.
It’s not wise to say, I just need space. I need to breathe or some variation thereof. This is the year take a deep breath, I just need to breathe, and breathe need to be removed from our language of comfort.
This is much like it’s inappropriate to say “me too” after the #metoo movement. Where “me too” prior to the movement simply meant we agree with another person’s sentiment, it now has a potentially triggering subtext, or connotation, for those who have been sexually assaulted. I catch myself trying to come up with alternatives to “me too.”
While “word” and “ditto” work, I’d like more variety in ways to answer when I’m trying to say “I relate; me too.” I often settle for “I also feel the same way.” It’s wordy, but it’s not loaded with the subtext “me too” now carries. I hope new expressions that aren’t triggering make their way into our vernacular. And, soon.
2020 is the year that our language of comfort must be overhauled.
“I Can’t Breathe” has become the battle cry of a modern-day American Civil Rights Movement, chanted loudly at protests in honor of BIPOC who have been racially profiled, brutalized, and murdered by police. This loud call for racial justice and equity in America is a wakeup call for some and old news for others. This outcry has been in our language for six years, yet our language of comforting expressions haven’t yet shifted. It is past time for this shift.
It’s not that we don’t need to breathe or that taking a deep breath wouldn’t be helpful. It’s that an innocent man was suffocated to death, begging a person of authority to let him breathe, and Americans were collective witnesses due to lightning speed recording technology.
The video recording of the crime is ingrained in our hearts and minds in America. We know that the police officer murdered George Floyd by depriving him of the simple, life-giving function of breath.
No longer are we taking the simple act of breathing for granted. Some of us are stunned while others have been painfully aware for years that breathing while Black or Brown is dangerous. This is not okay.
We are a culture high in stress and anxiety in America. Our anxieties haven’t gone anywhere. With a poorly handled pandemic, an election-season filled with strife, and police brutality being documented in 2020, our collective stress has surely only increased. A Forbes collection of survey results states,
“More than one-third of Americans have displayed clinical signs of anxiety, depression, or both since the coronavirus pandemic began.”
and,
“The long-term psychological consequences of collective traumas can last a decade or more.”
According to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, America was an anxious nation pre-2020: “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year.” As we face continued police brutality, the COVID-19 pandemic, and other challenges, less stress isn’t occurring any time soon.
To further complicate things in regard to the linguistics of “breathe,” many spiritual leaders and role models have quotes about the power of breathing, including Oprah Winfrey: “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
What can we say instead?
It’s important to show kindness and understanding to our friends and family who are experiencing stress and anxiety. I’m familiar with this dilemma. When I was in 9th grade, I told a good friend, “Don’t worry. Be happy.” It seemed like kind and good advice at the time. Later, I found out she was being molested by her father. This advice was bad. I have forgiven myself. I was just a kid. Since that experience I have been cognizant of the subtext and connotations of phrases such as “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
What are semantics anyway?
Semantics in language determines the relationship between signifiers and what they signify. Although images and body language can be included as signifiers in a wider study of semantics, linguistic semantics deals strictly with words and their meanings. Semantics is a subfield of linguistics specializing in the study of meaning. — Laura Metz
When I write about “the language of comfort” I’m referring to idiomatic and vernacular phrases in my native language (English) that are often used as a means to bring comforts, calm, and ease to people experiencing stress and anxiety. I am arguing that the connotations of these phrases are now anxiety-inducing and triggering, thus having the opposite effect from their original intention.
Various cultural or emotional meanings attached to a word provide one or more deeper levels of meaning. These subjective meanings are known as connotations. — Laura Metz
Idioms make their way into cultural vernacular. Sometimes, they need to be overhauled and updated. 2020 is a good year for revising our vernacular.
Interestingly, taking a deep breath doesn’t help people calm down anyway.
As adults, I think we need to focus on coming up with alternative expressions of comfort. Here are some ideas:
Take a few minutes to collect yourself.
Life is uncertain and hard.
Please go easy on yourself.
Allow yourself time to slow down and relax.
Taking care of yourself is important.
You are loved.
What not to say: “Calm down.” “Take a deep breath.” “Breathe.” “I need space to breathe.” It’s insensitive. It’s out of touch. Be better. Do better.
Although some people don’t believe semantics are important, I disagree. Our words are powerful and go deeper than their literal, base meaning.
It’s up to us to understand the connotations of language and choose our words carefully and with kindness. I hope you are able to shift into new and considerate expressions of caring. Let’s work together to upgrade our language into a language of equity, honesty, and love.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Gregor Fröhlich on Unsplash
