How to Cope When Kids Fly the Coop: Dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome

Motherhood is a journey worth experiencing, but there are dreaded destinations, one being the empty nest syndrome. From the day I embraced motherhood up to now, there have been numerous episodes of me going completely nuts to being back to my senses and each time I soothed myself by saying “This too shall pass”.

This reminds me of the postpartum phase which made me psychotic, delusional, and suicidal all at a time, but that is something that requires another documented story to be deciphered.

However, now when I see and hear my boys turning my house into a restricted combat operations zone of snipers or yelling their lungs out while being Roblox warriors, what hits me hard is how lifeless my abode will be without these shenanigans.

Although I haven’t reached there yet, my heart always skips a beat thinking about the moment they will start their journey of fulfillment. How my inner crying soul with my outer calm and composed self will bid farewell to them while they head out to conquer their dreams.

Apparently, my elder one wants to be a tech-savvy footballer who also owns a gaming company, and my younger one wants to be RICH and FAMOUS (still figuring out how). While I pray to my God daily to bless me with life long enough to see them thrive in their respective careers, a tiny corner in my heart always fears the despair and abandonment I might encounter once they outgrow my nest.

However, one benefit of constant worrying and overthinking is that we tend to start looking for solutions after rotating a gazillion times in the whirlwind of unexpressed emotions. When I started looking up on the internet about this weird fear that I may encounter, it is a thing most mothers experience when their offspring turn into fully evolved adults, requiring no reliance.

It is famously known as Empty Nest Syndrome, and it doesn’t infect you that hard when they are still around you, even if doing everything on their own, but all hell might break loose once they decide to move out and live on their own.

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My two cents to all those grieving mothers, and possibly to future me would be, that your kids are independent individuals who are entitled to make their own decisions after a certain age. We can love, adore, protect, or guide them if needed, but in no way can we put them under the guilt of choosing their path over being in our sights forever. It would be sheer trauma dumping if we somehow convince them to think otherwise, just so that we wouldn’t have to step out of our comfort zone and learn to live by ourselves.

Though I am not a certified therapist, neither is empty nest syndrome a clinical diagnosis of any sort, so here are some ways that can help mothers wrap their heads around this unsettling emotion.

Build your purpose: Many moms will relate to this in that once we embrace motherhood, the remaining aspect of our personalities goes for a toss. We put our careers, passion, indulgences, and everything aside, though there isn’t a shame in doing so because we all have our ways of handling responsibilities.

But, I suggest letting that one thing be a constant solitude of distress for you always, be it reading, painting, writing, upskilling & enrolling in any course, or anything that makes you feel happy and valuable. We should always be in sync with that side of ours so that when we have nothing to occupy us, we can always reconnect with ourselves and make wonders.

2. Socializing is not a Sin: A few moments of euphoria will not harm you or make you less of a mother. Do have your me time with friends, colleagues, and neighbors, or be a part of any social circle that has fun activities now and then.

Such practices should be adopted early on when kids are young so that you get frequent breaks from the overwhelming chaos of motherhood, and your kids also learn to respect the space and boundaries of your individuality. Later on, when kids part ways, you always have the stuff to play around, and folks to hang with.

3. Stay adjacent to the technological curve: The greatest advantage of being alive in this era is that you have plenty of options to manage things at your fingertips.

I mean literally, if you are well-versed in the technological trends, you can:

make friends
order your favorite meal
shop endlessly anytime
read books
learn recipes
Indulge in fitness & exercise
trade & invest

And the list just goes on, all this with your handheld device and sound internet at home. The best part is you can connect with your kids anytime anywhere, (also secretly stalk them on their social platforms to check what is hot & happening in their lives 🤫), which renders you more busy and productive, rather than being lost and lonely.

If these pointers are of no help, and you still feel miserable and worn out, then my best bet would be to seek professional help. I know there is a lot of taboo around seeking therapists, but you do you no matter how the world perceives it. Simply because you have spent a huge portion of your life nurturing individuals, and transforming houses into homes, you deserve every ounce of appreciation and happiness out there, and it begins with you acknowledging your efforts first.

So, let’s just kick the asses of empty nest syndrome, and all such conditions that take a toll on your emotions, and navigate all stages of motherhood mindfully. It is a journey that requires you to evolve at various stages, it’s better to plan how you want to embrace the next chapter.

Happy Mothering! 😀

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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