How To Create a Fearless Life

Imperfect action is the only way we can defeat our fear. If you can feel fear and act inspite it, you know you are winning against it.

Last week we discovered a snake in our boiler room. I had not seen a snake in a while, about 40 years! To be honest, I have only seen a snake twice in my life, but I feel nauseous when I think of one. It’s one of these things that I have an irrational reaction to. I get the creeps. Maybe you can relate to this.

I discovered the snake in the middle of swallowing a little chick in his mouth. The parent birds of the chick were frantically trying to fight the snake. My first reaction to seeing this was pure fright. I turned and bolted from the scene. I felt deep disgust and fear go right through me. From a safe distance, I looked back at where the snake was. He had dropped the dead chick from his mouth. The parent birds had also given up the fight and flown away. But the snake was still there. Waiting to get his food back. This is when I had the courage to take a good look at him. It was about a meter long and striped green and black. This is when I decided to try and chase him away. As I moved closer to him, he went and hid behind an old mirror that was leaning against the wall. I could see his tail sticking out. He looked scared.

Lesson: Feel the first surge of fear. Let it fill you up from head to toe. But do it being sure that it will pass. Then when the first wave recedes, move back towards the source of fear again. Challenge the fear in your mind.

By this time my wife had called the caretaker who arrived on the scene with an ax to kill it. At this moment I had a strange change of heart. I did not want to kill the snake. I just wanted him to leave and go away. I was full of mixed feelings. On one hand, I was wracked with the fear of seeing the snake, then the anger of seeing it kill a bird but still feeling sympathy for protecting the life of the snake. The changing lenses of emotions in me were fascinating. I was exhausted by their surge in me.

Lesson: Be open to seeing the spectrum of emotions go through you. Accept the fear and compassion can coexist for the same thing or person. There is no right or wrong in that. Meekness and timidity can also be a form of fear. Acknowledge them all.

The caretaker offered to get rid of it. But the snake managed to escape and get into the boiler room. We now had a bigger problem. We use that room for all our supplies and cleaning products. The only option was to go into the room and look for it. This was one of the scariest things I have done in my adult life. To find a snake in a dark room with a lot of things that offer it protection. But I had the help of the caretaker who was willing to get in with me and look for it. So we did.

Lesson: It might not always be available, but it’s a great way to loosen the grip of fear in our minds, by sharing it with someone who is willing to help us cope with it.

And in spite of the fear that was just under the surface, we looked. We moved bags, old chairs, detergents, paint…all the while highly alert to danger. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. But it was not there. It had somehow managed to hide in a hole in the wall or managed to escape.

When I emerged from the boiler room, I felt unsatisfied but mildly relieved that I had not found the snake and nor had to deal with watching it being killed or killing it myself.

Lesson: The relief of having faced your fear, even if for a short while is a valuable victory and a great sign of progress. Remember that feeling. It will be handy when you face the same fear again.

That day passed without any further sightings of the snake.

Day 2: I was sitting in my hammock, meditating and I heard the birds getting agitated again. I got up and rushed to the boiler room to see the snake disappearing back into the boiler room. He was still there. The fear came rushing back. My back hurt and my mind felt low and meek. I was under the spell of fear again. Fascinating how our brain can trigger this distressing emotion without us having any power over it.

This time, my mind was stronger. Instead of giving up, I decided on a plan to clean the place to create room for us to be able to deal with the issue. I called the gardener and made him cut all the overgrown weeds and grass around the place. I removed all junk that was in the room. We even went to the hardware store and bought some insect repellent that repels snakes and lizards from around the house.

Lesson: A plan to fight the fear and then acting out on the plan is a great way to deplete the power over the fear. The fear might still be there but now the mind is doing things to deflate it. It’s like carving on the block of stone you fear.

By the end of the third day the room was cleaned out, there was repellant sprayed all over the place. The hope was that the snake would leave and go away from the house and live in peace and leave us in peace.

Today, at around 10 am I was walking up the small terrace of the land to lock my gas tank door and there was the snake, lying across the steps. The smell of the repellant had made it leave the boiler room. Before I could react it had slithered down the terrace and this time it was in the front porch of the house and went and hid behind a large plant pot that had some stones behind it. It was now hiding a few steps away from my front door.

A line had now been crossed. I could not wish this snake away anymore. He had to be either captured or unfortunately, killed.

Lesson: Sometimes, when the fear reappears, again and again, it stops scaring you. It just makes you quietly defiant. That is when you know you have the upper hand over your fear for the first time.

So, It was very clear to me that it was now or never. We had the snake trapped in a visible space, that was well lit, it was a sunny day and we had to remove it from the land. Alive or dead. He could not be allowed to wander away. My wife was still sleeping. I could not lose sight of the snake, in case he escaped into the forest. Our house has a lot of areas that abuts the forest. So I called her on the phone and asked her to come down. She groggily came down to the sight of me in my shoes with gloves and spade in hand sitting 6 feet away from the 1900’s florentine antique pot. I signaled the location of the snake and whispered for her to call the caretaker again.

I think she was more worried about the pot being damaged in the skirmish between me and the snake. She was not keen to get into a battle on a Sunday. She, like me a week ago wished the snake to just leave.

Lesson: The more you prepare yourself, the more cornered your fear feels.

We had another debate as we sat there watching the snake hiding behind the pot and the stones. To let it go or to go after it. After 10 minutes of inconclusive debate, we decided to walk away and have our breakfast. The hope was that the snake would make its escape and never come back. By now, I had seen the snake enough times and seen it move around the front of the house to feel no real fear of it. I was totally alert to its presence. I was watching it more like a hawk than a mouse.

Lesson: Attention when applied purely to the fear is fearless.

I finished breakfast and returned to the front of the house to see to my shock the snake trying to enter the house from the window that was slightly ajar.

That was the last straw.

It had to be culled. It was just too keen to come inside and sit on my couch. The caretaker arrived at the same time, carrying shovels and spades. By now the fear had dissolved into a firm decision.

The snake was killed within minutes. It happened so fast. I was ready, so was my wife. We moved the pot and the caretaker did the rest.

In a week the three of us had transformed from petrified, disgusted, hopeless anxious people to decisive, calm, and focussed minds that planned and executed a decisive and successful pest removal. When it was all over, there was a relief and quiet joy of having risen above our fears.

Lesson: If you follow your fear with careful attention, it can be culled.

Coda:

I had to record this encounter with a stubborn snake to remind myself that fear, however disgusting it may make us feel, must be endured if you want to remove it from your mind. You have to feel the timidity, the disgust, the procrastination…and then plan the battle against it with detailed attention. And then when you get the chance, act with determined, calm, precision to defeat it.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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