How to Embrace Setbacks as Opportunities in Disguise

I was just 27 years old when a Doctor diagnosed me as 100% disabled with PTSD for the rest of my life.

I had to give up my job as a Police Officer, which had become my whole identity. All my dreams for the future — promotion, specialization, and purpose were gone.

I sank into a deep Depression that lasted years, but I bounced back and found my real purpose in life — which I would never have discovered if I’d stayed in the police.

Setbacks are an inevitable fact of life. They can leave us discouraged and frustrated.

But they also present valuable opportunities to learn and grow. With the right mindset, you can develop effective coping strategies.

. . .

Shift your mindset.

From now on, we’ll reframe setbacks as opportunities, leading to creativity and innovation.

A setback is a temporary roadblock, not an insurmountable barrier. However, the fact that it’s temporary doesn’t mean it’s easy or that you’ll recover fast.

At my worst, I was hospitalized for Depression as an active suicide risk. My moment of clarity came on the first night as I lay on a thin plastic mattress, looking at the ceiling and listening to the nurses laughing and joking down the corridor.

“How did I get here?” was the question that went round and round in my head.

I’d gone there as my last chance to get help, but that night I realized this wasn’t the place for me. Yet, this was my future if I didn’t do something dramatic.

I was lying on the same kind of mattress I used to give criminals when arrested—the circle of life.

That night was my catalyst. I ensured I never missed my medication and returned to the gym. I began watching what I ate and searching for productive ways to occupy my time.

It hurt like hell, but the specter of that hospital motivated me.

The setback of losing my career led to the opportunity to become a writer.

. . .

Talking changes lives.

Despite the push toward positive thinking, feeling disappointed, frustrated, and angry is also ok.

The key is to acknowledge these emotions without attachment or excessive rumination. Feel them, process them, and release them.

Treat yourself with kindness during difficult times. Don’t blame others or yourself, as it gets you nowhere. Instead, focus on what you can control.

Talk to someone you trust, take up physical activity, and even enlist the help of an expert to help you push through the setback.

For years after I left the police, I was like a ticking time bomb. I’d get angry and aggressive about the most stupid things.

My life was uprooted before my eyes, and I was lashing out at all the wrong things.

I began to talk to the two people in my life that meant everything — my partner and my mum.

For a long time, my mum and I would walk our dog every evening to chat about what was bothering me. My partner was always there in the daytime if I needed to talk.

I exorcised my rage and cannot overemphasize the power of talking to someone you trust.

What you think is the reason for a negative emotion is rarely the root cause. Other people can help in your search.

. . .

The pyramid of goals.

By confronting a setback head-on, you can find growth opportunities.

What lessons can you learn from the setback, and how can you apply them to similar situations?
What went wrong, and what could you have done differently?

Remember, the key here is not to find someone to blame but to gain understanding.

Setbacks can be a time of change. Use them to assess and set realistic goals broken down into smaller steps.

Create a pyramid. At the bottom, put the easiest step you need to reach your goal. Work through the steps so that each new step is slightly more demanding than the previous one. This will make even the most challenging goal more attainable.

Some of the lessons I learned from losing my career were:

What we think is our purpose in life may not be accurate.
Sometimes you have to lose something to gain something better.
We all need help sometimes.

What went wrong was that I pushed myself beyond any reasonable measure because I believed in the male stereotype of being Stoic and blocked out my feelings. I didn’t confide in anyone and ended up exploding.

If I were to do it all again, I would ask for help sooner and admit my limitations.

. . .

Observe who walked the path before you.

Find people who have bounced back and achieved success. What do their stories tell you about resilience and perseverance?

Use their stories to motivate you when times get tough and emulate their success in your own life.

My motivation came from a guy called Geoff Thompson. Geoff was bullied as a young man and felt at the mercy of fear. He allowed himself to be controlled by his feelings.

To test himself, he became a bouncer. After hundreds of violent encounters, he grew strong but hated the man he’d become.

Geoff renounced violence and became a best-selling author of multiple books, a playwright, and an international authority on self-defense.

He returned to being a passive man, but this time from a position of strength.

The way Geoff bounced back from the most horrific adversity motivates me to this day.

. . .

You’re more than a setback.

Once you have the right mindset, you’ll never see setbacks in the same way again.

You’ll notice yourself becoming braver because you’ll say yes to more opportunities. You’ll realize the worst that can happen is failure — a setback — and this will allow you to grow.

With nothing to lose, not even fear itself can slow you down.

Most of all, you’ll realize setbacks don’t define you. Instead, we’re defined by our responses.

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This post was previously published on Change Your Mind Change Your Life.

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