Let me guess what’s on your mind. Who is this chick that thinks she can tell me how I should fall in love? Well, this chick is a nobody but she is quite experienced when it comes to the matter of love.
Now that I have convinced you, falling love in our era is supposed to be easy because we have better means of communication and transportation. Yet somehow it seems more difficult.
In the ’80s and early ’90s, they didn’t have the type of smartphone privileges we have, they sent letters through post offices which took weeks to deliver, they took trains and buses to see their lovers but it seems much easier than our century’s love, here’s why.
No Couple Videos
Unlike our century they didn’t have any couple videos showing couples expressing love through buying expensive gifts, going on trips, dinners, dates, etc Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong what I am saying is that there was less social media pressure.
In those days your love was your love, it was private and it lacked pressure. Now, even though your love is beautiful, it doesn’t feel that way because of what you see on social media. Do not be quick to forget that nothing and nobody is perfect and they don’t record their arguments and fights.
Less Pornography
I think pornography has caused a huge dent in the sexual lives of couples. Why are we so quick to forget that pornos are acted? Not everything you see is real.
Because of the impact of pornography people tend to accuse their partners of not being good enough in bed; you can’t expect your partner to do a backflip during sex just cause you saw in online. If you aren’t getting the satisfaction you need, it’s not because your partner can’t have sex but it just could be because of the expectation you’ve gotten from watching too much porn.
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
In the past, due to the weak communication and transportation system it took weeks to get in contact with love ones but today, thanks to technology in a second you can know the whereabouts of your partner and even communicate with them.
This is amazing, yes but there’s a catch — because of this we hear people call their partner’s too clingy or a pest because they want to talk to them every minute of the day.
Yes we all need our personal space but those words hurt — clingy, a pest, nuisance. In the past it took weeks to get a letter across to you partner and when you finally get a reply oh the joy, when you see that person after months it’s a double joy but we’ve taken advantage of the blessing we have.
Now the love that was supposed to be made easy has become quite difficult and sad. Relationships no longer last due to comparison and envy. Moving past being in a relationship, let us concentrate on how to fall in love.
Know you/Your worth
If you follow my articles you would know that this is always my number one tip, this is always the most important thing you need to know before embarking on the journey of life.
Now, “knowing you” means knowing what you want and knowing what you want means knowing your worth. In addition, knowing your worth means not settling for less.
I’m not saying be high and mighty, I’m saying create a certain standard for yourself, know what you like and what you don’t like, what you can tolerate and what you can’t and with this, you won’t just fall into the hands of anybody in the name of love.
Social media isn’t all real
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but not everything you see on social media is real. Do not depress yourself because of a bunch of actors.
I’m saying this loud and clear because I have been there, done that, and trust me, it was heartbreaking, so watch couple videos for the fun of it without any of such expectation, nothing is ever all bliss.
Avoid being desperate for love
This is one tip I still find difficult to completely achieve. Yes, love is beautiful, it feels fulfilling when you have it, and when you don’t it sometimes makes you feel empty, half.
Among my group of friends, I’m the only single one and at times it makes me feel so bad and so desperate to feel what they feel and it’s frustrating at times but trust me, desperation leads you to fall into the hands of predators. Be wary.
Never settle for less
Due to desperation we sometimes settle for less. If someone loves you they would never want to change you or stop you from doing the things you love instead they’ll love to do it with you.
Most times, because we love someone we try to do what they love and what they want us to do, we try to please them at the expense of our standard forgetting that they fell in love with us, so do not change because of love. Love shouldn’t completely be about sacrifice it should also be about acceptance.
Keep your sanity in check
You might be wondering what has this got to do with love in the 21st century, well it actually has a lot to do. These days people are quick to fall into depression because of pressure from others — even from people who claim they love us.
Your mental health matters. Do not let anyone make you feel bad about you or your happiness. There are toxic people out there who don’t even know they are toxic, avoid them for the sake of your mental health.
Love doesn’t have to be all pain and drama, you don’t need to have a series of arguments to make you a strong couple, that mentality is vain.
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Unsplash