How to Ghost Someone Without Actually Ghosting

There’s an unspoken rule in my life: I need relationships that understand boundaries. And, truthfully, communication overload isn’t my thing. I love my friends, but I can’t keep up with constant texting, and frankly, I shouldn’t have to. I don’t thrive on that level of back-and-forth. I’m busy, and I need friends who get that if they text me, I’ll respond when I can — not when they expect me to.

This isn’t personal; it’s just how I function, and thankfully, I’ve curated a small circle of understanding friends who are wired the same way. We can go days without talking, and no one’s feelings get hurt.

But then there’s this one friend.

We all have one.

She’s lonely, lacks confidence, and, as a result, bombards me with an avalanche of text messages — like, 39 texts before breakfast isn’t rare. The constant stream of communication, filled with self-centered rants and endless complaints, used to make me anxious. I’d feel like I had to catch up, read everything, respond thoughtfully. But not anymore.

Here’s the kicker: I’ve stopped trying.

Now, I only read what I can handle. I don’t feel obligated to dive into every emotional dump she sends my way. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s just that this friendship has become exhausting. She rarely takes my advice — she’s stuck in victim mode. So, it’s a one-way street where I’m the emotional dumpster and she’s driving full speed ahead, ignoring the “Do Not Enter” signs I’ve been putting up for years.

And yeah, I feel bad. A little. But mostly, I feel free. Because here’s the thing: people like her — constantly seeking validation, over-communicating, and playing the victim — are draining. It’s not malicious, but it’s certainly a lot to handle. I think deep down, she’s doing this because she feels invisible, and somehow, texting me (and probably others) nonstop is her way of trying to stay relevant in someone’s life. But that’s not how relationships work, and it’s not sustainable.

Slowly, I’ve stopped responding. No big announcements, no dramatic exits — just less interaction. It seems she’s gotten the hint. She’s texting less, and I feel lighter. I know this mental shift might seem cold, but it’s about self-preservation. I can’t pour from an empty cup, and some people will drain you dry if you let them.

This is the emotional tug-of-war we don’t talk about enough. There’s guilt, but there’s also relief. There’s empathy, but there’s also self-protection. I think this friend is looking for someone to fill a void that only she can fill for herself. And while I’m here for my friends, I’m not here to be anyone’s therapist or emotional crutch. That’s a hard line to draw, but it’s necessary.

So yes, I’ve put distance between us.

And while I do wish her the best, I also wish for peace in my own life. That’s the real win here — understanding that it’s okay to create space, even in friendship. It doesn’t mean you love them less. It just means you love yourself enough to know when too much is, well, too much.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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