How to Leave a Toxic Relationship that Eats up Your Soul

That’s a tricky question.

Sometimes people ask it, and they genuinely don’t know how to get themselves out of a terrible situation.

Some toxic people are evil and can use their resources and power to keep you stuck. Denying that this can happen is irresponsible and unrealistic. In this case, professional help is very, very needed. You need some help from a reliable, trustworthy professional.

On the other hand, some people ask this question as a lame excuse for their laziness or cowardice.

They know how. They know how much pain, toxicity, and drama this relationship brings.

They know they should walk away.

And, again, for them, it’s not a question of ability.

It’s as simple as picking up their things and leaving. It’s as straightforward as confronting that person. It’s not that they can’t; it’s that they are afraid and unwilling.

They are avoiding conflict. They value the status quo and comfort over truth and authenticity.

To put it brutally and honestly, they don’t want to take responsibility for taking themselves out of a terrible situation.

That’s a new and demanding type of responsibility. It will alter their lives in many ways they are not ready for. And hey, the devil you know is better than the one you don’t.

Because even if they walked away, what would they do next? They haven’t got a clue.

And for them, this type of uncertainty outweighs the pain of staying.

So, it’s the fear of actually doing it and/or the fear of what comes next after doing it. It’s not the actual actions they need to take to leave.

Many things in life seem paralyzing not because of the complicity of the actions we need to take, but because of the emotional difficulty of taking these actions.

Be honest with yourself and see to which category you belong.

And, please, leave your ego at the door for now. It’s not the right time to be blinded by the idea of being too cool to be an idiot or even an actual victim.

When I say a victim, I am talking about the case in which people are actually and technically stuck.

That can happen, and there’s no shame in being a victim. However, there’s a difference between an actual victim and someone who plays the role of the victim. But that’s a long discussion that we can have elsewhere.

That being said, here’s what walking away means

In a nutshell, leaving and walking away is about setting boundaries.

Sometimes that means this person can no longer be in your life in any possible way. A total cut-off with zero contact. You take your things, say goodbye (or f*ck you!), and leave.

And sometimes, the boundary means keeping this person at bay and minimizing contact to a certain degree.

But anyway, it’s a boundary you set and defend; a decision you make and stand behind. The actual context of the boundary is irrelevant to the fact that you have to set it. It depends on the situation and the context.

If it’s technically hard to leave for good, it’s still possible to walk away because it’s always possible to set a new boundary.

This is good news.

For instance, I have some people who I totally cut off from my life for good. And others who are still somehow in my life, but they understand which lines they shouldn’t cross or what I will not tolerate and put up with.

Usually, they are still in my life because they are people I currently have to come in contact with a lot, like family members or co-workers.

The point is that I decided that those relationships with those people are doing me more harm than good.

They are toxic. Some are abusive.

And I don’t want that in my life.

So, I will do whatever it takes to let them go. Even if they are family members.

I do realize how hard and complicated this can be, but what’s the alternative?

The pain that got you to click on this article and read this far; the demise of your life and emotional sanity.

That’s not a cheap price to pay.

And if you think it’s a cheap one to pay for the sake of saving your relationships with these people, then f*ck you, you haven’t learned anything from this article. Click away or read it one more time without your rosy-eyed glasses.

I do care about every reader, but I am willing to let you go should you choose to stick to your old delinquent ways of being. And that’s exactly what you should do with those people in your life if you are serious about this.

I don’t have anything more to say about leaving and walking away. I feel like I will just be repeating the same ideas and concepts. Will repeating them make you get up and do it? I don’t know.

But here’s a quick summary of what you should do to leave:

Have a nose for toxicity. Learning about it is the first step. I wrote a lot of content on this topic, and many other authors/YouTubers have great content on this topic, too.
If you found enough toxic signs, behaviors, and mentalities, that’s something. Stop and listen. Do not ignore it.
Do whatever it takes to leave and walk away. You do that quite literally, or you set clear boundaries. Either way, you know deep within you that this relationship doesn’t serve you anymore, and it actually hurts you. This realization is important to push you away and to keep you aiming at healthy people and relationships.

In the end, maybe you deserve better.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***