How to Take Back Control When Others Cross the Line

Lately, other people’s bullshit almost got the best of me. I found myself somewhat drained. Dealing with clients, family, and friends adds up if you let it. But I was aware of what was going on.

I know some vampires

My friend called Sunday morning. It was odd; he never calls at those hours. He’s usually asleep after a night out or working.

“What’s up?” I said.
“All good man. I need a little loan, bro.”
I landed him money twice already. And he paid me back. But I was getting tired of this. He also sounded drunk.

“Are you high?” I asked him. “What are you on?”
“Nothing, man.” He said. “I just woke up. So what do you say?”

I had the money, but I’m not the bank.
“Ok, but that’s the last time,” I told him.

The next day, he sent me a Whatsapp message saying, “I should stop sounding so tired.” I flipped. I grabbed the phone and recorded a message back.

“You got nothing going on for you other than pussy, so you blame the world for your shit life. You can be sure it was the last time I landed you money.”
It was harsh. I didn’t enjoy it. But it had to be said. He crossed the line way too many times.

People have as much power as you give them. And I was giving my friend way too much.

I’m always willing to help but don’t expect me to be your idiot.
I did myself AND my friend a favour by letting him know this shit ain’t cool.

The trap of the victim

No one wants to be a victim. At least not consciously. Some people identify with the feeling of victimhood or the “loser” and stay there because it’s comfortable.

Then you got others who take advantage of these people, even if it’s just for a moment.

My landlord is a good guy. I like him. But sometimes, he’ll come up with stupid shit because he’s mad. Because his three ex-wives drive him crazy.

“The AC is broken because of you, Jonathan. You bring bad luck”.
Or, “How about you buy your own hanger for a change? How much is it, a penny? Do you want me to give you a penny?”

Lol. I laugh at his shit.

The simplest way to never be someone else’s victim is this: stop explaining yourself. Do not justify your actions to others when they try to manipulate you with their bullshit.

Do not get into an argument. Don’t give manipulators even the slightest chance to use something against you. Give them nothing. Laugh it out and leave them hanging.

Responsibility is power

I believe happiness is your responsibility. Some people are miserable since they can’t take any responsibility.

When others cross the line, and you do nothing about it, that’s on you. Don’t blame them for being assholes. “That’s their fault! How can they be cruel??”

By doing that, you give them power. Your power. People will gladly take it away from you. Take responsibility instead.

If someone crosses the line, their stupidity isn’t your fault. But it’s your responsibility to let them know where they stand. Make it clear.

If you don’t, you’ll eat yourself from the inside. The worst way to go about life is to never express your emotions, positive or negative.

Conclusion

Some people will test you, tease you, and see how much they can’t get away with. There ain’t much you can do about it- these sorts of people will show up in your life every now and then. At work, through friends, or even family.

But you can control your actions. You can decide to respond, not to react. The more you do that, the more you master yourself, the more peaceful you become.

Get me a free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected By Hundreds Of Women”.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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