I think a lot about what I call our energy fields and how they interact. And being involved with a highly narcissistic person made me question what I had previously held to be true, that love, or a “higher vibration” will eventually shift everything. I saw that perhaps it is more complex and paradoxical. Here’s my current thinking.
On the One Hand
As we increase in awareness, we increase in empathy and sensitivity so energy fields affect us more strongly and quickly. We become more permeable, a more finely tuned instrument. This means both positive and negative energy has a greater impact on our own field.
At the same time, we may also develop a greater ability to recover to our hearts more fully and more quickly, even when in a negative or toxic energy field. This is because we strengthen our “observer mind,” the ability to notice our emotions but not act from or be ruled by them.
We can also develop greater ability to discern which situations and groups will be life-affirming and which will not be, as well as the courage, integrity and intention to surround ourselves with life-affirming energy. In other words, we learn to develop a zero-tolerance policy for toxicity.
On the Other Hand
While becoming a more finely tuned instrument is helpful in terms of being attuned and clued in to the people around us, it can also be difficult to manage when everything is setting our needle off (often more so than others). We often see and feel the “elephant in the room” more clearly and feel the difficult energy from dysregulated people more viscerally and powerfully.
We also need to note here that darkness is often attracted to light. The clearer and brighter our own energy field, the more we may attract those who want to use and even abuse some of our best qualities. Research on the qualities of women who find themselves involved with psychopaths shows that most of them score much higher than average on tests of empathy, kindness, and conscientiousness. This is why the zero-tolerance policy becomes more and more critical as we evolve.
And Finally
In my opinion, it’s no more enlightened to take responsibility for everything than it is to take responsibility for nothing. There’s a role in learning to hold the paradox of both. Yes, we play a role, but no matter how wonderful, committed and loving we are, we can’t necessarily shift the other person and create the relationship on our own. They play a role as well, and most of us need to learn to assign responsibility where it belongs rather than taking it all on ourselves.
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This post was previously published on But Now I Know Your Name and is republished on Medium.
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