I’ve combined my intuitive gifts, being a twin flame, and an author to share this crazy journey with you. My hope is, you will glean any bit of strength that can aide in your own ascension and spiritual path.
Ascension and the twin flame journey are synonymous. The twin flame journey, or mine rather, has accelerated or triggered my ascension. My awakening happened at the end of 2016, following the unexpected termination of my job. This was also on the heels of the dissolution of a 17-year marriage, and a few painful miscarriages.
I can see how feeling as if you have lost your direction, identity, and sense of purpose, triggers hitting rock bottom. I questioned everything. This was because it was so unbelievably painful, I sunk into a depression or rather, my first dark night of the soul.
As I look back on my “spiritualism” over the last two decades, it’s clear to me; I was always searching for a love that was extraordinary. The fairytale stuff we were led to believe as children. The one person that speaks your language so, no explanation is necessary. That one person that would completely and unequivocally, accept every idiosyncrasy in your being.
Through a failed marriage and unsuccessful restarts, I was always a twin flame.
Somehow, I always knew I was destined for something greater. It was a deep inner knowing that created a cavernous void every day of my life. Likewise, I always knew I was destined for a great love.
I began to become dismayed though, as I sunk my teeth deeper into this twin flame journey. This it turns out, may not conclude with my epic Cinderella Love Story. You may never be in unioned in fact. No one knows for sure. This is undeniably hard. This is heartbreaking, especially when you know who your twin is. Your twin can be and often is insensitive, selfish, involved, the lists go on and on. I mean it became really depressing. This was from the collective, the experienced twin flames, and the research.
A few months ago, after the purge of the full moon; I slowed down on my addiction to listening to tarot card readers and psychic twin flame intuitive’ s. I was madly obsessed. Are we going to be together? Will he choose me? Will he walk away from his involvements? Will he realize we are destiny and I am his true mate? It was all the time. They didn’t know any more than I did.
What resonated with me, was the truth I already knew.
I had met my twin flame. This I knew. The connection with my divine masculine has been there from day one.
When we reconnected, began to communicate daily, I focused on the friendship. Through all that the signs and synchronicities that were knocking me over, I was patient. I think it was because I kept denying the connection. I knew but, if I admitted it, then I would be vulnerable and not possess the advantage that comes with wondering. Does she like me? Does she want more than friendship?
He was and still is completing a cycle with his karmic. A karmic is a person your higher self or oversoul, has aligned you with in order to mirror your unhealthy, toxic relational patterns. It’s not a soul connection or meant to be a forever connection. You know this whether you deny it or not. Often when we learn the lessons and still hold on, this causes the greatest amount of suffering between all involved.
In the same regard, your twin is your mirror.
This is the very definition of why the connection proves to be difficult. The karmic gets you ready for your twin. The twin connection will force you to face co-dependency, rejection, abandonment, worthiness, any and all issues that do not blossom unconditional love. Our old, toxic, unhealthy, relationship patterns are laced with trauma and pain from our childhood wounds. Relationships that we have had always have been conditional in nature not unconditional.
A partner must possess cultural, career, financial, beauty, emotional, and intellectual traits which are just some of the standards that appeal to the other. Over time, whether married or not, the partnership will birth tiny holes, that become cracks, that turn into valleys. Both parties unable to love the person where they stand unconditionally because they never learned how to love unconditionally.
Meaning, if we take our standards and apply them, thus resulting in finding the perfect person to fit them; we should have the formula for a successful relationship. This love that we have always known and been taught is conditional love.
We eventually begin to realize our failed relationships are due to self-worth, lack of self-love, attachment trauma, and if we can not be whole within, loving our self wholly, we will repeat the same relational patterns. This is often why one might say, I keep ending up with the same person. It’s not the person, its the pattern. The unhealed wound. This is what my twin has triggered in me.
There were times I walked away from him.
When we run, we are really running from our self. I don’t know if he knew it or felt the energy, but it made me feel sick to retreat. Physically sick, I couldn’t do it. It took time, but eventually, I stopped denying the connection. I stayed in the present of when we would connect and every single time, I rose higher and higher and sunk lower and lower. Every time we connected, I found joy, laughter, love, appreciation, respect and intense sexual attraction, never experienced prior. That was also laced with the days of deep shadow work. No two days were the same ever.
The feelings were mutual. This was the first time I liked someone, and it was a mutual intense like. Usually, my experience was, the other person likes me more than I like them or vice versa.
We agreed, there were doors, we were not ready to open. We focused on cultivating a deep friendship. It was over this time, I found the strength to release all needs to be labeled as anything with him. I released the need to control the outcome.
I don’t know where we will end up.
I know he’s going thru a hell of an ego death and awakening. I’ve felt the toxic and physical sickness as he purges long-held beliefs and conditioning. It has been exhausting. There was a period of two weeks of just wanting to do nothing but, sleep. My appetite decreased exponentially, odd for me, and I had aches and pains in places that were unfamiliar, due to the connection. He did share he wasn’t eating and developing an ulcer. Awesome. It took a few days of intense work to clear out his energy.
I am accepting the all too familiar, I don’t need to be in a relationship. I don’t need to be with my twin flame. I don’t need anything. I’m here and blissfully happy, I find more connections every day. More appreciation for my life every day. I continue to heal and do the inner work that has brought me such a steady flow of bliss. I’ve managed to manage my emotions and transmute the negative experiences into lessons’ and love. I’ve embraced the dark sides of myself and integrated the fragmented wounded pieces of me.
It really is about the journey.
My clairsentient abilities are picking up, my energy healing powers are increasing, and my focus on service, as I join the rest of the lightworkers in ushering in this Aquarius age of love. It truly is about the soul mission. I didn’t even realize it before. You can never go back.
The twin flame journey has really triggered me to rapidly move forward. We are mirrors, as I heal, he heals.
Do I hope we come into union? Absolutely. He is cool as hell, fun, amazing, intriguing, fascinating, sexy, smart, intellectual, powerfully spiritual, primal, has wicked street smarts, he’s service oriented, a humanitarian hero type, and artistic, the list goes on and on. I think the world of him.
I used to astral travel to a higher dimensional 5D realm. This is the place we first met. One bright day, he appeared in my world. Then one day last fall, he walked out, and I no longer saw him. I was deeply troubled by him disappearing. Unexpectedly, not too long after, I met him in the 3D physical plane. I didn’t understand at the time. There is no denying the stronghold this connection has on both of us.
As we courageously and nervously, embark upon the intense eclipse energy, it is forecasted many will come into union with their twin. The second and the third eclipse, lions gate 888, promises a rebirth and new beginning. The collapse of old relationship patterns and relationships that are not for your highest good was said to be eclipsed out with the first of the eclipses on July 13th.
We are not in contact, and I am not the same person anymore.
I hope he is not either. My path has taken me on a deep spiritual awakening. Deeply coming to the surface and my knowing has been my soul mission. My focus right now is mastering the physical world. The spiritual, as is the case for most divine feminine’ s, has been an effortless navigation. The physical world, standing on my own two feet, financial stability and security has always been at the hands of someone else. I am learning to live abundantly from my gifts and service to humanity. This has brought immense emotional and spiritual fulfillment.
The divine masculine must master the spiritual plane. Always having focused on the 3D matrix conditioning, like status, fame, money, career, all at the detriment to their intuition and higher soul mission. With the 3 planetary shifts, none of us are sure to be the same after. I don’t know if we will end up together or I will manifest another love into my life. I know what I have worked for and will not settle for anything less than extraordinary. I still don’t know if this exists, but fingers crossed.
Stay balanced and Rise in Self Love.
Originally published on Medium. Reprinted with permission of the author.
Photo Credit: Pixabay