Growing up with rom-com and popcorn, life seems complete with someone loving you. Otherwise, “you will die alone”. Even Adam and Eve paired up and suffered together.
Indeed, what’s the problem of dying alone? That doesn’t mean we are lonely for real. That doesn’t mean we have not put an effort.
If you haven’t encountered the enchanted moment of electric shock, it is perfectly fine. Good things worth a wait. After all, the probability of falling in love is only 1 in every 562. The rest of 6 million single people on Earth will still survive, showering themselves with self-love.
I think I deserve something beautiful.
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
There are many beautiful things on this planet. Kiss is one, family is another, so does sex, and a whole lot more. Having an interest, helping people, building business…don’t fall in love because you are too free or lonely. Any attempt in dating someone to fill up the emptiness inside will only drag you down further. You are wasting time and tear pretending to be your normal self in front of the wrong ones.
We can be vulnerable, we can lie on someone’s shoulders. Look around, talk to kind-hearted people who truly care about you, certainly not that Tinder guy you “fall in love” for just a week.
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Don’t say “I fall in love” easily
When you first met someone, people tend to show the most glamorous side. It takes time to genuinely know a person, by learning the values one holds, sharing pain, building experience or having conflicts. After seeing the poker faces, if you still feel like this is the person you want to spend time with, that is what we called “true love”. Don’t be fooled by dopamine, boys and girls.
Love, at first sight, seems to be romantic on scenes, yet these are fancy tricks luring you to buy the movie ticket. The reality, however, does not plan a prince or princess for you. Do not fall in love because of people’s random act of kindness or artist-like faces. It is irrational, and love is more than just “I like you”.
However, if you are interested in him/her, pluck up your courage and initiate a talk. As you reach out, you get to know one’s attitudes and mindset to explore the potential chemistry gradually. The art of taking things slow, no rush.
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Reach out, Chill out
My friend has once told me to be more flirty and grasp the chance of “having fun”. The thing is, I don’t need to be in love or attend casual dates to be happy (that’s why I find the boyfriend rental service in Japan so bizarre, as it is an unreal, toxic illusion that anesthetized you a short while). Though my parents concern about me not finding a partner in my late 20s, they know it can’t be forced. It is not as easy as picking a cabbage at the grocery store.
Nonetheless, my friend had a point: EXPAND YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE. We all have known our high school friends or neighborhood for too long. If you choose to only surround yourself with people of the same circumstance, background and age group, you are setting yourself up to have an extremely boring, homogenous life. So I decided to give Tinder a try.
It turned out to be mostly haunting experiences. I met an aggressive salesperson trying to be too friendly, arrogant expatriates bombarded you with high ego or ordinary people who simply didn’t respond. It can be time-consuming. You may taste a sense of loneliness when the person you texted all time suddenly disappears. You start to doubt yourself, meditating how unattractive you are.
Does it worthwhile to lose your confidence because of the strangers you have never met?
Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it is called falling in love, because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall.
Take it easy, be your nanny. Don’t expect too much, be patient to craft new friendship. See every meet up as a process to learn something good from a person. If you don’t get along well with others, move on. At least you know what are the attributes you treasure on people around you and are more likely to find quality ones to hang out.
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Invest in yourself
Instead of endless texting, why not sprinkle more glittering magic on yourself as if you were Cinderella? Dress up physically and mentally. If you want to find Prince Charming, first be a Princess Charming. Reflect yourself daily, explore things you love and work on some personal goals. Continue to be the very best version of yourself every day. Let it be.
I am a die-hard fan of the Law of Attraction. Only by being a good species can you attract another good species to stay along with. Now hug yourself, put down your phone and list out things to do that make you smile.
Because your smile is the charm that starts the story.
You are worth to be loved, sweet potatoes.
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Love is precious. It takes time to meet one that tugs your heartstrings. Regardless of whenever you fall in love, you are still one brilliant, amazing person. To be your own cupid, spend sometimes to know whoever attract you at first. Broaden your friend zone without taking things too seriously. Pamper yourself with love and care.
the love bell is ringing.
Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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