I Asked Two Guys on Their Thoughts About Closure

Sometimes it is but inevitable for two people to break up, may it be due to compatibility, unresolved issues, loss of affection, infidelity, or some other reasons left unsaid.

A breakup wears many faces.

One could be of happiness, to be rid of much uncertainty that surrounds a dying relationship. The other could be of sadness, to have been forced to let go of someone worth fighting for.

But what clouds our muddle up of emotions are the questions:

We broke up, now what?

Is it really over?

That’s it?…

…

There is often uncertainty in the face of a conclusion. Whether it may be some words left unsaid or some things left behind, I often wonder if a closure is really necessary.

So I asked two guys what their thoughts on closure were and here is what they had to say.

Here is a glimpse of the persona of Person C. He is the sort that’s in it for the long run. His relationships span over years, for once he commits he’s in it for the long haul.

He has an easy-going personality, one that often wears a smile on his face that makes him quite approachable to many. Aside from his tall height, his bubbly personality makes him a standout.

His diligence in everything he does makes him excel not just academically but also in basketball, a sport he has loved since childhood.

With his doctorate, grit for any challenge, he is easily a favorite amongst girls around him. But aside from the superficial aspects that may stem bias, one can’t help commend his love for his family where at times, he put their needs above his.

So I asked him after a breakup is it really necessary to have closure?

No closure is still closure. — Person C.

His short curt answer was a surprise. He truly wasn’t a man of few words and most certainly was he not one who kept his thoughts to himself.

Maybe it was the failure of his prior relationships that made him that way. Or maybe he was simply exhausted from trying to make things work but miserably failing in the end.

Whatever it was, his grim expression clearly told me that it was the end of that conversation.

I knew he was the type to give it all when his heart is still in it but Person C is also notoriously famous for being firm in times of uncertainty.

No means no and enough is enough. There is certainly no budging this soft teddy bear with a heart of steel.

…

Person D on the other hand is also a striking person you can’t help but get drawn to. He is the sort that brushes off the idea of marriage yet is addicted enough to jump from one relationship to another, whether short or long term.
His enigmatic presence that would sometimes come off as standoffish make him unapproachable to most, but surprisingly lovable to few. He is a man of few words and of people.

Maybe it was for the thrill, but he wasn’t the sort to keep off trouble in school. But despite some troubling streaks, he had managed to pull himself through to finish and to be a licensed professional in two fields.

You cannot deny the charisma behind the tough-guy exterior he wore, making him quite popular with many girls around him.

So I asked him, have you ever left some words left unsaid and forwent with closure?

No matter how bad it gets, I do make an effort to be

friends with every girl I love or loved. I need closure

to move on. — Person D.

Maybe it was because he was afraid of losing those who are dear to him that made him that way. Or maybe it was because he was the sort who couldn’t bear the thought of someone holding a grudge towards him.

Whatever it may be, Person D is quite consistent in keeping people who have made an impression on him. Whether it may be childhood buddies or a string of exes, no matter how painful the experience would be, there is no letting go.
When mystery greets you at the forefront, there is really no chance of saying goodbye.

…

Their mixed responses that contrasted their personality type baffled me. How can one approachable man transform into an ice prince and how can a gruffly man with a tough exterior hold on when one should let go?

I’m not quite certain what would be best, most especially for a person who is nursing a broken heart, the former or the latter?

Who would you be better off, Person C or Person D?

I knew that I should be grateful for their honesty. But on some days their answer stirs some uncomfortable emotions within me.

Was it anger or pity or a mixture of both?

I feel for the one on the receiving end, that is left clueless and in the dark. I also sympathize with the one who is left on the hook just because of someone’s need for closure.

Yet at the height of confusion, maybe it is much easier to stop hurting the other with words that are meant less unsaid. On the contrary, when hurt is at its maximal, wouldn’t it be better to know and to understand.

No matter how much I think about it and what my take on the matter is, at this very moment, I know deep down that…

There is no perfect way to end things, whether it is letting go or holding on.

Being in a relationship takes time and effort. It hurts when you invest so much of yourself only to be disappointed in the end. But what hurts, even more, is when you lose yourself in the process.

There is no ideal answer as to what hurts less, being on the receiving end of a cold shoulder or a warm hand.

When things end, you are sometimes too baffled to process what has happened. Yet there are times when you see it coming and like a deer caught in the headlights, you simply stand there frozen to watch it unfold in front of your very eyes.

Regardless of the situation, there is no way to thoroughly prepare and brace for the impact.

There is no such thing as the ideal time to have closure.

Only time would tell when painful circumstances are shed into better perspective. It is only when the hurt has faded and the wounds have healed that we may finally understand why things had to happen.

…

Cry if you have to.

Morn the loss, for you, are but human.

Use the time to help you heal.

Every relationship is an experience to cry, to laugh, to discover, to grow and most importantly being with someone teaches us the valuable lesson that — love is indeed beautiful.

Closure or not, you decide.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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