I Discovered the Hottest and Most Fulfilling Romance … at 50!

After being divorced for 15 years, I was approaching the age of 50. While I felt healthy, peaceful and like my most authentic self, there still was some stigma that came with that five-decade long status. My youngest daughter joked with me, “You better find someone and get married soon. You’re about to officially be old!” We laughed about it, but then I made sure that she understood that I already felt complete. I did not need a man, a partner or anyone in order to live my best life. I was at the most evolved stage in my life thus far, and I was happy. Not only did I make sure that she understood that, I finally understood that, too.

I think that not needing a partner but rather just wanting one is exactly what put me in a good position for what was about to come my way. With each day, I continued to work on myself and my career. I continued to care for my three children (even though two of them are 1000 miles away at college). And, I continued to enjoy my two rescue dogs. My life was full, and I was remaining open to whatever new adventures would arrive. I was dating casually, meeting great people and having a lot of fun.

Just say yes

Just a couple months after my 50th birthday, a friend called about setting up his best friend from high school who was going through a divorce. As he described this man as smart, good looking, hilarious, intense and loyal, my interest was piqued. When he added in the fact that he had two full sleeves of ink, I jumped on it.

So, I said yes not just simply to the idea of being set up with someone but to the concept of being open to what may come my way. That was part of my goal in this new decade of life: to be in the moment, without judgement and without expectation. So, I committed to being open and present. There was nothing to lose. At best, I would have an amazing date. At worst, I would have a story about an awkward encounter. Either way, meeting someone blindly, I believe, is an exercise in networking, communicating and, most simply, experiencing life.

The seven-hour lunch date

We went for lunch and talked with instant openness, vulnerability and interest. After three hours of eating and talking in a booth, wherein we got closer to one another as the hours passed, we left the restaurant with the natural assumption that our lunch date would continue. “So, what should we do now?” I asked, knowing that the question was bigger than the moment before us. I was not only asking about the literal concept of now, I was also subtly philosophizing about the fact that we had an instant connection and wondered what we were going to do with that new reality.

“Come to my office,” he stated with confidence. With comfort and natural certainty, I agreed. From this first date, there was no game playing. We wanted to spend more time together and so we did. I did not try to “keep him wanting more” by rushing back home to work. He did not try to “keep me on my toes” by saying goodbye after lunch and waiting two days to follow up with me via text. Those tactics may have worked when we were younger. They were not necessary now.

We walked into his office as he told me more about his business, his goals and his own personal journey. The space was warm, peaceful, beautiful and completely had been designed by him. I was learning more about who this man was and what was important to him. But, then the real test came running down the hall: his French Bulldog and his Pomeranian.

You had me at “meet the pups”

I often want to be around my dogs more than people. Their unconditional love and effusive joy ground me and remind me of the value of the present moment. All dogs seem to understand is the idea of right now. So when these sweet pups ran down the office hallway to greet their daddy and me, I was further immersed in this perfect afternoon.

A man who loves dogs and brings them to his office every day is my kind of guy. That imminent first kiss could not happen soon enough! We sat on a couch and talked for another half hour before he leaned in for a kiss. Like everything else on this fateful day, it was seamless, natural and perfect. I have craved and enjoyed those lips every day since, for the past several months.

It’s getting hot in here

We both admittedly have always considered ourselves to be passionate, sexual beings. We have enjoyed colorful experiences, deep loves and great sex with others over the decades. Yet we both agreed pretty early on that this was different-level material. Just as we did not want that first lunch date to end (which it didn’t for seven hours), we still never want our time with one another to end. We are often leaving each other’s houses after 1:00 am to rush home to our dogs. (I have two dogs, as well.)

So, I did actually hold out on that first date, not because I was playing games. I simply wanted to save that first-time experience with one another and hold onto a bit of mystery. But, I was not able to hold out for too long. The pull to one another was so strong. Plus, as I have said, when you know who you are, you know what you want, as well.

It feels as if we are 23 years old when we look at our behavior, our disinterest in sleep, our interest in exploring one another physically and our overall appetites for one another. Yet, recently, we both turned 51. (I apologize to my three children if they are reading this, but …) Would anyone expect to have the best sex in their life right after turning 50 years old? It is such a treasured surprise that we both feel this is by far the greatest physical and spiritual connection that we have ever experienced, especially as many expect those “hot” connections to happen in one’s ‘20s or ‘30s.

The truth is that when you are not looking for anything, that is when the door often (and surprisingly) opens for true intimacy and connection. Plus, when you have trust and comfort in yourself and with your partner, what happens in the bedroom is clearly impacted by that peaceful confidence. So, if you are approaching 50 or are well on your way into enjoying this second half of your life, believe that the best sex you are ever going to have may be right around the corner. We are not old! We are confident, authentic, in touch with our own desires and, thus, at our all-time sexiest. It is only going to get better. Let’s go get it!

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Previously Published on medium

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