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Last night was strange.
Usually, when I see someone for the last time, I get really emotional. Like ugly-crying-white-girl-during-prom-emotional. I get hit upside the head with the reality of them probably never coming around again and I overthink how weird it is that life is like this.
But not last night.
Last night I said goodbye to someone I’ll really miss.
It wasn’t a celebration. I’m genuinely sad to see them leave, but I had a hard time feeling much of anything at all. As I went for a hug, I only said “I’ll be there to visit”, knowing full well I don’t travel that much.
I just said it to say something, but when I thought about that moment on the way home (sorta sleepy in the car because wow it was past my Adult Bedtime), it was almost as if I couldn’t cry any longer.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ve dissociated. Disassociated here meaning I saw the tears coming. I saw the emotion behind it and I guess I didn’t want it.
I wanted to just be able to let someone go and not feel like a band-aid was getting ripped off.
I let myself not feel.
And that, for once, feels pretty damn good.
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Originally Published on Be Yourself
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Photo Credit: Getty Images