I Love You Only Because You Love Me

Have you ever been on a date and not been that interested in the person but notice the person likes you, so you tell yourself that maybe you do like them after all?

That can be a trap.

Simple dating is innocent but also complex. We all develop feelings at different rates and relationships are based on needs, of course. All people involved meet each other’s needs in different ways.

We all have needs. Especially emotional ones. The problem is, we are oblivious to how to meet them half of the time. So the subconscious part of us takes over the show.

When we feel deprived of attention and affection, falling into this trap is very easy. We find someone that seems devoted to us and they make us feel safe. Like an anchor. It stops being about us loving them, but about how amazing it feels that they love us.

If that is the only anchor in our relationship, is it healthy?

Admitting to this means we have to reconsider it. Do we stay and keep ourselves and the other person stuck in a relationship that isn’t symbiotic? Or do we walk away?

We often use each other without considering the hidden motivations behind our actions. We don’t do it deliberately; we do what we believe is right at the moment.

Most of the time, we come from a place of impulse. We rarely stop to gain insight.

If we care about the person we are with, truly care about them. We want them to be happy. If that means without us, so be it.

It hurts and our wounded egos and unmet needs are going to scream against it. But we can learn to be responsible enough to teach ourselves healthier ways to meet those needs.

Being in a partnership is exactly that, being partners. Not one person acting like a parent or safety blanket. Sure, in some ways both people act like safety blankets to each other. But because they chose to, not because of unhealed emotional wounds.

The person on the other end gets something out of it as well. But that is a whole other article…

So if we find ourselves in this situation, we need to ask the tough question. Do I love you only because you love me?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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