Today my system collapsed.
Mentally, emotionally, whatever word you want to use — I just broke.
I cried for three straight hours. It was the kind of breakdown that leaves you feeling hollow afterward. Like you emptied everything and there’s nothing left.
In those three hours, I messaged people.
Friends.
People I’ve been there for.
People who say things like “Always here for you.”
I just wanted to talk. I didn’t need solutions, just someone to be there for a while.
No one replied. Everyone was busy. Either caught up in work or life.
Except Shataaxi. She picked up. She stayed on the call with me.
And for a while, she made things a little more bearable.
I’m sorry I dragged her into my mess. I know it’s a lot. But thankfully she didn’t flinch. She didn’t try to escape the weight of what I was feeling.
And that helped. More than I could say out loud. In short, I survived till now.
But when the call ended, everything felt louder again.
The silence.
The loneliness.
The realization that maybe the people you think will show up — won’t. Not when you need them.
Today was a reminder. That being the person who checks in on others doesn’t mean people will check in on you. That the ones who count on you might never be the ones you can count on.
And maybe I’ll stop expecting. Maybe next time I won’t message anyone.
Not out of anger. Just out of self-respect.
Because I don’t want to beg for presence. Not when I’m already breaking.
Day 75/100
Home, Rohini
~ A
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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