Sarah Jones says that your nervousness around a woman you’re attracted to actually helps you out for these four reasons.
If you’re talking to a beautiful woman, the last thing you want her to see is your nervousness, right?
Anxiety feels vulnerable, and many men think that showing any anxiety at all makes them look weak or less attractive. That is not the case!
In fact, there are four reasons why a bit of anxiety actually makes women MORE interested in you:
Reason #1: Showing a little anxiety can pique her interest.
If you’re talking to a woman and are easygoing for the most part, a little nervousness can actually make her more endeared to you.
Let’s get some context in a platonic situation, so you can see that a little nervousness is not bad:
If you’ve just met a man at work, for example, who for the most part seems comfortable in his own skin, but now and again might get a little flustered for whatever reason, do you really fault him for that?
It’s different if he is constantly and completely nervous. In that case, it becomes hard to get to know him.
However, if there’s only a nervous moment every now and then, it becomes kind of endearing. It doesn’t affect how much you respect him or what you think about him.
Same for you: If you’re constantly nervous and clearly don’t know what to do with yourself, well then that’s not your best night.
What’s likely, though, is that you are generally laid-back and only every now and then have a nervous moment.
You can start thinking of that nervous moment as an Attraction Moment. You can say to yourself when you feel that familiar anxiety, “Oh, I’m just having an Attraction Moment. Okay, no big deal… In fact, if she knows it’s a result of my attraction towards her, even better!”
This is because if a woman feels like she’s having that effect on you, she becomes more excited and intrigued.
Now the story involves her, and she’s more invested in you than if you were showing no apparent interest.
Reason #2: We like people who like us.
As social creatures, we relax and open up more around people who like us, even in platonic situations.
This is compounded when there is already a bit of chemistry flowing in the first place:
If she feels even a little attracted to you, and then she can see from your nervousness that you are attracted to her, that’s going to make her a little bit nervous.
That mutual nervous and excited energy is a sign that there’s some chemistry there.
Think of it from the other side:
Whenever you see an attractive woman and you feel like she might be interested in you or at least curious about you, aren’t you a little more attracted to her?
Don’t you actually become more comfortable and relaxed?
When you see there’s some kind of connection, excitement starts building.
On a logical evolutionary level, this makes sense:
If we talk about sex in terms of procreation, seeing attraction from people we find attractive makes us like them even more. That is really handy for populating the planet!
It’s much more handy than if we saw they liked us and suddenly didn’t like them as much. Can you imagine? That would be a difficult situation. We would probably be a tenth as populated right now.
Being especially attracted to those who are attracted to us is a logical result of the way we are wired as creatures.
Reason #3: Even when she sees you like her, you’ll still be mysterious.
Perhaps through the media and various things you’ve read, you’ve gotten the idea that you shouldn’t give all your cards away, that it takes away from the mystery.
It’s a commonly held thought that if a woman knows you’re interested, then she isn’t guessing anymore because she knows your intentions now.
The truth is that the mystery is still in tact because she doesn’t know what you’re going to do next.
This is because the men who are most likely to show visible nervousness around women generally have a gentle and easygoing disposition.
If this is you, then you can rest easy that even when a woman knows that you’re attracted to her, she’s still guessing at whether you’re going to do something about it.
Many times men who are more reserved and hesitant don’t go for it, so there’s always that doubt in her mind.
If you are more thoughtful and gentle, then your natural hesitation is the mystery.
She sees you like her, and without you having to play any games, you’ve swept her into wondering what is going to happen next.
Reason #4: Seeing your attraction makes her bolder with her own.
When she can see you having an Attraction Moment or two, she can easily become bolder in showing her attraction towards you.
That’s because now she’s not making the first move; she’s merely responding to your apparent interest.
If she, like most women, generally prefers for the man to make the first move, then consider this:
If she can’t tell whether or not you’re interested in her, can you imagine how much boldness it would take for her to indicate clearly to you she’s interested, when she has no earthly idea if you are?
So, next time your nervousness shows through a little, think of it as an Attraction Moment that reveals your attraction towards her and thereby increases her attraction towards you.
As long as you’re laid-back for the most part, a little nervousness peeking through can do wonders for chemistry.
Sarah Jones is the founder of Introverted Alpha, where she helps smart introverted men attract women naturally. Learn more and download her gifts on core confidence and why PUA doesn’t work for introverts at introvertedalpha.com/gmp.
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