I was diagnosed with metastatic brain, lung, and liver cancer in April of 2021. I was given 6 months to live, but I’m still here and still have plenty of will to survive.
However, while I am optimistic, I have also tried to prepare for the worst.
What if I die before my elderly mother?
You see, my mother lives with me. She is Indian, and in Indian culture, the oldest son is supposed to care for the parents when the become old. However, my brother didn’t want the hassle of taking Mom to medical appointments and shopping, as she can no longer drive.
He kicked her out of the home my father had put a down payment on. My father unfortunately put the house in my brother’s name, assuming he would care for his parents.
Instead, I took Mom in.
Which I was happy to do.
When I was recently diagnosed with cancer, Mom proved a blessing. She has been happy to do more to care for me when I need it. For example, after chemo, if I am feeling exhausted, she will make simple meals for me and bring them to me so I can rest.
While she cannot live on her own easily because she has mobility issues and can’t drive, she still cooks delicious meals, balances her own checkbook, and is very kind and patient. My friends adore her.
One of my friends is like a sister to me.
She also is struggling with the rising rents here in Austin.
So I’ve talked to Mom and her. And I’ve mentioned that if I pre-decease my mother, I’d like my friend to move in with Mom. She (my friend) could take the master bedroom. She could split the bills with my mother, whose name is also on the mortgage, making the situation affordable for both of them.
My Mom loves my friend and would enjoy having someone to cook for. My friend would be happy to drive my mother to doctor’s appointments and the supermarket, and to chat with her and have meals together.
I’ve already written my will and two attorney friends of mine have gone through it for me to make sure there is no way my brother could screw my mom out of her home or small savings if I die.
It’s important to me that these things get taken care of. I love my Mom and want her to be protected.
Thankfully, in addition to my honorary sister, I also have other friends who have told me that if anything happens to me, they will look in on Mom and they have already given Mom their numbers so if she needs anything they can call.
This gives me incredible peace of mind.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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