If it’s Not a Yes, Is it a No?

“Situationship” is a word that describes a relationship which is not a relationship-relationship. It’s a non-relationship relationship!

Sounds complicated right? When did it all happen? When did we stop dating normally and committing in a normal way and started all these games? Were these games all there and now we’re seeing them? Or maybe in older generations it really wasn’t that much room for games? It was all about marriage before.

Now… It’s not about life time, It’s about weeks, months or maybe years. When did “until death do us part” switch to “let’s not talk about it” ?!

Chemistry, more crucial in situationships

I was working on an article about “Chemistry”. I was trying to figure out how it all happens. The breathing, the heartbeat, the desire… It’s the body talking to you, it’s not only because of the body though. It’s also because of the mind. It’s because of the soul.

The usual steps for getting into a relationship are:

When both persons have feelings for each other.
They start a relationship and commit.

In situationship, step 1 will be your only step. No matter what you do, no matter how much of intimacy you have. Even if you’ve slept with each other, you are stuck at step one!

The feelings grow. The regret of having them, the sadness when they’re not around. The text which you never receive at the right time, the closeness which is not good enough for relying on the person.

My Almost-Love story

There’s a “Him” in my life. It’s not the first situationship. I hope it’ll be the last. He asked me out when we met. I wasn’t sure about my answer. I didn’t say yes or no. I avoided answering. We continued knowing each other. We work at the same place. This was one of the reasons I hesitated. Then, we found out about each other’s ages. There’s a 12 years gap between us. He is 12 years older than me. He minded the age gap more than me. On the other hand, I will move to another city in 4 months. It’ll be a 7 hours drive from here.

He started giving me rides from work to home. That time became our time. We learned a lot from each other’s background and personality. Childhood, goals, plans for life. We had our favorite artists in common. We had a lot to share and a lot of songs to sing together.

I was waiting for him to ask me out for real. The invitation never came. So I began to pull away. I started avoiding him, I stopped joining him with the rides, started avoiding him. I could see confusion on his face every time.

One night after work, we sat in his and finally talked about what had been going on. It all started with his annoying question. “Are you seeing someone?” he asked. I was shocked. “Where does that question come from?” I replied with a smile. “We haven’t talked in weeks. I thought that’s why” he said.

The conversation opened the door. At the end he said “I had reasons for not getting close to you. I didn’t see attraction from you (I wasn’t surprised. I was avoiding and ignoring him for a while. That was the whole point!) . The most important reason is that you’re moving to another city in months and we both are against long-distance relationship. You broke up with your first boy friend because of that. I had 2 long-distance relationship which ended badly because they were long distance. The other reason is the age gap between us which makes our needs in a relationship different. Did my feelings change for you? Never. I liked you and I still do. I feel good around you even in these little moments during the rides. All of these made me confused. I couldn’t decide.”

I felt relieved. All those overthoughts in my head got answers. All the fear I had if he doesn’t have feelings for me were gone.

I said to him that I really understand him and I really did. That night I was too emotional. After weeks of feeling anxious, I finally felt better.

Long story short: He kissed my hand and moments after that, we hugged. We cuddled for minutes. I don’t know how many minutes. At first, we both were breathing intensely and after that, we both were breathing slowly.

I could feel that our breathing rhythm became the same. I could feel the romantic energy. I knew that there’s going to be a kiss. I also knew that if he doesn’t kiss me, I definitely will. I got out of his cuddle, I appreciated his ride and got out of the car.

It was the first night I felt I could have dinner. My appetite was gone for a long time. I felt calm again. He texted me that night and we started chatting again.

The next morning, I felt anger! The last feeling I thought was going to get me. I was angry at him because of all the days which made me wonder if I’m the problem. Because of all the hours I waited for the text “let’s go on a real date”.

I made up my mind days after:

If it’s not a yes, then it’s a no and if you’re considering me an option, let me set you free. I’m not an option anymore.

What I Learned From Loving Without Labels

Love without clarity is just confusion.

Chemistry is not commitment.

Closeness without consistency still leaves you lonely.

Yes, there was chemistry. Yes, there were feelings. Yes, there was connection.
But what there wasn’t — was choice.

You can care deeply for someone. You can share moments, secrets, even heartbeats. But if they won’t choose you in the light of day, if they won’t say “Yes, it’s you,” then you have to choose yourself. Every time.