If the “Honeymoon Phase” Lasted Forever, We’d All Be Screwed

It goes like this.

You meet, you get to know each other, and you fall madly in love.

He (or she) is all you can think about. You wake up every morning with a smile on your face. You’re willing to do anything and everything for him. You feel like you’re on cloud nine. Like you have never been happier and the best thing about your life is having found your person.

They call it the “honeymoon phase” for a reason.

You feel like you’re on a honeymoon. It’s the time of your life and your partner can do no wrong.

But, on average, the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship only lasts 1.5 to 2 years.

Think about it.

If you do manage to find a wonderful partner and fall madly in love, the blissful “in love” euphoric feeling can only last so long.

It is only a matter of time before you come down from the high and return to the reality of your day-to-day life.

There is a good reason for this.

If you’ve ever been in love, you know that love can completely take over everything you do.

It can be a massive distraction.

Imagine if the “in love” euphoria never ended. How would people be able to focus on anything else? How would we motivate ourselves to get work done? To take care of kids, run companies, or manage the food supply chain?

If everyone who ever fell in love once stayed in that euphoric state permanently, at all times, our world would be in shambles.

When I first got into a relationship, I coined the term “love-brained.”

I use it to describe the moments when I’m not thinking as clearly because I’m feeling an extra-strong dose of admiration and affection towards my partner.

I’ve noticed that during these times when I am feeling particularly affectionate towards my partner, I generally don’t think as clearly about responsibilities.

Neither does he.

I mean, there’s a reason why we end up late to social events.

There’s a reason why we weren’t able to get the laundry done or clean up the kitchen as we’d planned. There’s a reason why we don’t get as much sleep as we probably should.

It’s all for those five more minutes of time together. The rest of the world can wait.

Like I said, love-brained.

Imagine a world where people always prioritized those five more minutes over literally everything else.

How would the world go-’round?

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Like any emotion, euphoric “love” is fleeting.

But that’s part of what makes it so valuable.

If we were happy all the time, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate it. It would just become the normal state of being, and we’d have to work so much harder to experience a greater height.

If our relationships were a constant flow of euphoric, affectionate feelings, we would inevitably get bored and no longer value our partners as much as we should.

Passion and scarcity go hand in hand.

The things we are most passionate about are always things we aspire to attain (or struggle to keep).

There is no passion for a battle we have already one or an item we already own. Especially if we know that it’s here to stay.

It’s part of human nature. That which is not guaranteed is always going to be more valuable and desirable to us.

Love is no different.

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If an endless honeymoon phase is not the answer — then what is?

The longest-lasting “honeymoon” is not the goal. Rather, we should try to have balanced relationships that follow the ebbs and flows of life.

Sometimes joyful, sometimes sad.

Sometimes silly, sometimes serious.

Sometimes exciting, sometimes comfortable.

If you’re lucky, your relationship highs will carry you to Heaven. And your commitment will withstand the lows that inevitably come with being a human on Earth.

The “honeymoon” can’t last forever, but that’s part of what makes love so incredible and sought after.

So enjoy the waves of euphoric romance, but know that this alone does not guarantee a lifelong relationship.

It’s true — the honeymoon phase will inevitably end.

But loving relationships will allow it to begin again.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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