If You Feel Sad All the Time and Don’t Know Why

One thing I’ve learned being an adult is that you get sad. As a parent, it broke my heart when my daughter came to me and said, “Mom, I’m sad all the time. I don’t remember the last time I was happy.”

Yeah, she said that. And I had no idea what to tell her.

I gave her the clichéd answers:

Things will get better. It will pass. There are happy times in the little moments. All that stuff.

But even as I said it, I knew from the look on her face that these weren’t going to be good enough to help.

So, I did what any librarian does: I started researching.

First, you have to realize, she told me this when she was six. Yes, six years old. And this was before my MS diagnosis, before her father became abusive, before the decline of our marriage. She was six.

Long story short, it was depression. (You already figured that out, I’m sure.)

But it stuck with me because she has continued to feel this all these years now (she’s 27). Throughout the years, she’s come to me with the same statement. We’ve gone to therapists, had medicine prescribed, the whole works. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

So, I researched again.

Here’s what I found that might help anyone who feels the same way.

Sadness is normal.

Everyone feels it sometimes, but sometimes it doesn’t go away. If it’s there when you wake up and it’s still there when you go to sleep, it’s time for some help. You’re not broken for noticing that this feels different. It is different.

Continual sadness does something to you.

Living with this type of sadness eventually starts to mess with how you see yourself. You’re not lazy, or weak, or bad at handling life; it’s something else. Small mistakes start to feel bigger than they should, or you stop wanting things, or feel that any effort is pointless. This points to something deeper.

It wears you down a little at a time.

Yes, you’re tired. Tired of feeling sad, tired of making an effort, tired of caring about anything. You start blaming yourself for feeling unmotivated, tired, or just plain slow. You’re none of those.

What do you do?

Journaling, thinking positive, going out to get some fresh air, trying to get motivated: all of those are things that people suggested or you that you’ve told yourself. But what if they don’t work?

Stop trying to fix it.

Keep in mind:

You’re not the same person you were before the sadness came. Stop comparing yourself to that.
Everything takes effort. Not because you’re weak, but because the sadness makes everything weigh more.

What to do?

Small things. Take one day at a time.
Eat something. Rest when you can.
Stop arguing with yourself.
Do something that is a relief, not pressure. Watch the same show every night, go outside, take a breath, come back it. It might not do much, but the weight might get a little lighter.
Don’t make big decisions on a really sad day. That usually ends badly.

If none of this works, it’s time to go see a professional. Seeing a professional is not the stigma it used to be and most health insurances cover it.

This is the time for you to accept that your sadness isn’t getting better no matter what you do. You need help.

Please, don’t let your sadness overtake your life to the point where you want to give up. Seek help before that.

After researching over the years, I’ve finally written a .pdf at Gumroad. It you’re interested, it’s here: If You Feel Sad All the Time and Don’t Know What to Do

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I’m really glad you read this all the way through and I hope it helps.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.