I was recently blocked by a Medium user after leaving an honest comment on stories about someone’s Tinder experience.
No offense to Tinder users — take advantage of it if you know what you are doing. But keep in mind that meeting the love of your life is probably not going to happen there.
Tinder is good for one thing: Finding sexual relationships.
1. Crushing Your Expectations
Humans are social creatures that strive for relationships. How do you find them?
You have to act if you want people to notice you. Perhaps unexpectedly, finance guru Robert Kiyosaki made a good point in his bestselling book Rich Dad, Poor Dad about relationships.
His statement comes down to the fact that you have to put yourself on the market and let others know that you are looking for someone. If you stay at home and never get out, nobody will know you exist.
So what are you looking for in the opposite gender? Let’s go on Tinder and start swiping.
You probably want to engage with someone good-looking. How do you decide that one girl is better than the other?
After thirty or so swipes you don’t remember their faces, let alone their names. You are going to send a message to at least five ladies while trying to be unique. You want to stand out from the crowd, right? If one of them replies, good.
You’ll do the same the next day, having totally forgotten the five women you saw the day before.
You are unlikely to find a partner on Tinder because there’s always a better choice.
How do you pick the one from a million?
People tend to have unrealistic expectations on social dating apps. Girls receive a huge number of likes for showing off their asses and breasts.
With millions of admirers, how will they pick the one? Tinder provides an excellent service of elevating their self-esteem while contributing very little to finding a partner.
I knew a guy who registered as a woman on a social medium and posted a few beautiful photos of a lady. What he told me was nauseating.
Within a week, tens of guys wrote him asking for naked photos of the lady and offering her oral sex. Those individuals clearly lack self-respect, while being totally unprepared for any commitment.
Stats confirm this. Young men nowadays have less sex than in the past 20 years.
How many of them are using Tinder?
“Online dating is like online shopping except you’re looking for people no one wants, and it’s $50 a month.” — Phil Pivnick
2. Just Business
You know very well how Tinder earns money. Its freemium model lets you use some basic features. Should you want more, pay and upgrade.
Suppose you find a partner after using Tinder for a few days. You’ll delete your account and forget the app. Good for you, bad for Tinder.
The longer you stay on Tinder, the more money it will make. It is not interested in helping you find a partner. Quite the opposite.
Tinder will do anything to keep you hooked. It will offer you a number of extra features that will supposedly help you find a partner. It escapes me how — finding a partner means the interests of two individuals are aligned. What do extra features on Tinder have to do with that?
It’s nonsense to pay for a feature that allows you to see whether another user has read your message.
I’ve had experience with online dating apps too.
I tried a German app, similar to Tinder, 5 years ago. It gave a limited number of swipes, leading me to eventually buy a weekly subscription for 20 EUR (a little over $20).
I deleted the app a week later and was charged another 60 EUR. Outrageous.
Too naive of me. The terms and conditions require paying 60 EUR if the user wants to delete their account.
The message is clear. While you are trying to update your private life, the app is making money.
Nothing personal. Just business.
3. Sleeping With Someone?
Forget love on Tinder.
I find it disturbing that people put themselves on the market (in Kiyosaki’s words) and expect to find serious relationships. You are in a position of need.
Your presence on Tinder screams
‘Hey! I am here to meet someone. I am open for a relationship.’
Has your partner ever begged you to stay or come back? That’s also a position of need. Remember what you were feeling and whether begging made you change your mind.
My friend Alex says that you don’t seek love. You meet your love, which conveys a less intentional and more accidental nature of this phenomenon. This is the beauty of it.
Tinder is a great tool for arranging sexual relationships.
I know two guys who use Tinder when they have nobody to sleep with. While I don’t promote this behavior, I can certainly see its advantages for those seeking sex.
You may say it reflects those guys’ insecurities as they exploit women… Perhaps. But if I believe their stories, quite some women enjoy one-night stands too and often take the matter into their hands.
Anggun Bawi ’s story on a new dating trend called roaching describes this phenomenon in detail.
There’re many sad stories that start on Tinder.
- It can be a guy who measures his masculinity by how many women he has slept with and doesn’t stop from breaking the heart of yet another lady.
- It can also be a lady who wants to be the object of someone’s admiration but nothing more.
To be completely honest, I must mention that I know two girls who found their partners on Tinder for long-term relationships.
It’s curious, however, that they hide this fact. Whenever someone asks how they met, they avoid giving a clear answer.
Final Thoughts
If you seek love, meet people offline.
Advice to guys: Talk to ladies in public places.
If you are afraid of cold approaching women, find a way to be around them. You can do sports outside, go to a language club, organize a social event and ask your friends to bring their friends. I’ve tried all of these and realized that the best relationships come out of meeting someone unintentionally.
A language club is where I met my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 3,5 years.
Advice to ladies: If you have no partner and want to be in a relationship, don’t say ‘no’ too quickly. Perhaps that awkward guy really likes you but is so worried he stammers when he speaks to you. Don’t turn your back. Give him a chance.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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