I was watching a video on YouTube this morning — a short. It’s about a black man who goes on a ride-along with a white cop. It has an important lesson. Here is the link:
The keys that it emphasizes — dignity and respect.
If we treat others with respect and acknowledge their dignity, then that goes a long way.
The video also speaks to the assumptions we make. The black man assumed things about the white cop. The reality is that we all assume things about each other.
I’m a woman of color and yet I was surprised by the Latina sitting next to me at a lecture years ago. When I first sat down and introduced myself, I noticed from her speech that she was uneducated, so I assumed she would not know a lot about gemstones, the topic of the lecture. I was wrong.
During intermission, I chatted with her and discovered she knew a great deal about minerals. It was her passion. Even though she worked as a maid, she has managed to accumulate a collection of geodes, interesting minerals, and even some precious stones. I learned from her, and it was a good lesson to me in not making assumptions.
Over the years, again and again, my assumptions have been challenged and I’ve learned how worthless they are.
For example, there was a wealthy white woman who I thought would be snobby who turned out to be very helpful when I was having trouble with a sales clerk.
There was an elderly white man who I met in a rural church. He wore overalls and talked with a Cajun accent. Turned out to be a great lover of classical music. He knew more about my favorite composers than I did. He was also very humble and very tolerant of all races, as I later found out.
One of the best electronics trouble-shooters I’ve met was a middle-aged black woman who helped me with a broken appliance. So was one of the sharpest lawyers I ever met.
The fact is — if you make assumptions about people based on their ethnicity, social class, gender — sometimes you may be right but a lot of times you will be wrong. Every person is a unique individual. Every one can teach you something if you are open to it. I have learned wisdom from children.
And if you act upon your assumptions instead of reality — you will miss out.
One of my friends is a white woman who owns an auto repair shop.
She knows a ton about vehicles as she’s worked with them for 30 years. Yet customers assume she’s just the “girl behind the counter”. Sometimes they’ll ask to speak to a man.
Not only that — one of her mechanics is a portly Hispanic man. He says little and seems abstracted.
He is also her best diagnostician. She has told me that when none of the other mechanics can figure out what’s wrong, he just gets it and he does the best work of anyone on the team. Yet, again, some customers have asked for one of the white mechanics instead.
While this sexism and racism is disturbing — it also points out that it hurts the bigot because they miss out on getting the best possible service.
In a way, it’s poetic justice.
BTW, while I decry prejudice, I freely admit that there are times I’ve been guilty of it as well. I think we all are, at one point or another, because we are all human. However, if we acknowledge it, understand it, and try to overcome it, we can build bridges where previously there might have been barriers.
If we take the time to work on ourselves instead of assuming things about other people, we will have richer, better lives.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
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