It’s essential to be skilled at casual dating in 2023.
Most modern relationships begin that way, even those that blossom into something serious.
That means it’s in your best interests to master the art of not scaring a casual partner away.
Here are 10 behaviors to avoid if you want to keep hanging out with this person.
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1. Believing They’re Perfect
Whenever you think about a new romantic interest, your brain releases all these feel-good endorphins.
Naturally, you want more of these good feelings, so you’ll often focus solely on their positive qualities.
But don’t be fooled.
This person does have flaws just like everyone else. If it doesn’t work out, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
As unromantic as they sound, these facts will help you keep your feet on the ground during casual relationships. And that’s crucial.
Over-infatuation leads to needy and desperate behavior, which almost always scares a casual partner away.
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2. Fantasising About Your Future Relationship Together
It might seem harmless to daydream about a happily ever after with this person.
But this is how you build someone up to seem a bigger deal than they actually are.
You’ll project fantasy qualities onto them in real life, making you unnecessarily desperate for their affection.
All in all, these fantasies are a waste of time and energy. Why not fantasise about your perfect life as a singleton instead? When you create that life, you’re more likely to attract people to want to be your partner.
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3. Doom-Scrolling Through Their Social Media Profiles
This is the modern way to fantasize over an unrealistic ideal of this person. It’s just as unhelpful.
Sure, you can keep up with their Instagram Stories. They make great conversation-starters.
Just avoid doom-scrolling all the way back to their graduation in 2016.
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4. Making Them Your Only Source Of Happiness
A lot of people obsess over a casual partner because they believe that person is the only good thing in their life.
If you’re one of these people, change something quickly.
These sorts of beliefs will make you over-invest in this person. You’ll be more likely to panic and send desperate messages if they don’t text you back quickly. You’ll be more prone to showing jealousy or possessiveness when you don’t own them at all.
These actions scare casual partners away. No-one wants to be their partner’s only source of happiness. It’s too much pressure and usually leads to toxic codependent relationships.
Invest more time in hobbies, passions and friendships as a matter of urgency.
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5. Texting Them As If You Have Nothing Else In Your Life
When it comes to texting, three factors give away your romantic desperation. Speed, frequency and length.
Your urge to text your partner so quickly arises from having few other sources of joy. Do it too often and your partner will sense that. This can be overwhelming and make them second-guess their decision to keep seeing you.
Lengthy messages also give the impression of not having much else going on in your life. Your over-investment becomes clear — and it’s not attractive to anyone.
The solution isn’t to read more guides on texting. It’s to engage in more activities that make you feel important and desirable. By filling up your calendar with exciting experiences, you’ll stop feeling the urge to text your casual partner so much.
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6. Changing Your Behavior To Impress Them
Self-improvement is always good. But changing your personality to impress one person is a stupid move.
When you do this, you tell yourself you’re not good enough as you are. There’s no better way to harm your confidence.
And it’s almost definitely unnecessary.
You probably attracted this person by staying true to your core values.
Even if you didn’t, there’s little more attractive than being unapologetically yourself.
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7. Over-Analysing Every Interaction
This is another common way to over-hype someone’s importance, while also driving yourself insane.
Analysing your previous conversations rarely teaches you something new.
You’ll never discover what they were thinking. And there’s every chance there was no underlying meaning to be found.
Your crush is usually simpler than you give them credit for.
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8. Wondering How You Ever Got So Lucky To Meet Them
The endorphins are tricking you into believing this person is perfect. That can make you feel unworthy of their infatuation.
But it’s all a mirage of the ‘honeymoon phase’. They’re not perfect and you’re not ‘lucky’ to have them.
Most likely, they enjoy your company because you’re amazing too.
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9. Sharing Your Problems
The casual stage of a relationship is supposed to be all sunshine, rainbows and great sex.
No-one wants to experience the downside of a relationship before they’re even in it!
If you need a shoulder cry on, find a friend or family member to support you.
Your casual partner doesn’t want to hear this yet.
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10. Asking Them To Be Your Girlfriend (If You’re A Guy)
Most casual relationships end when one person catches feelings.
This person usually makes an ultimatum saying they need monogamy or they’ll walk away.
And there’s no going back to friends-with-benefits after that.
It’s a great idea for women to do this as soon as they want something more. Otherwise, they risk wasting years in ‘situationships’ with men who’ll never commit to them.
But, as a guy, you should never make this ultimatum.
Women value a relationship a lot more when they have to work for it.
In many ways, you want them to chase and obsess over you. This is what makes them fight to be girlfriend material in your eyes.
By asking her to be your girlfriend, you ruin the thrill of the chase and reduce the value of your commitment.
Wait for her to ask, then you can say yes.
Until then, focus on becoming so awesome that she can’t bear to share you.
That’s the best way to turn a casual fling into a fulfilling official relationship.
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If you’re the type of guy who struggles to attract or keep a woman’s attention, my book Big Dick Energy will help you. It features 12 powerful exercises to help you unleash your confident masculine energy and attract amazing beautiful women. You can learn more by clicking here or watching the video below.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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