I’m Asking Myself This Quintessential Dating Question

My guy friend made a comment that made me ponder dating. He thinks I should focus less on it. It made me wonder if I’m forcing things. Maybe I should take a step back. He thinks I should.

It made me ask myself this quintessential dating question.

Should we leave meeting someone to fate?

Or do we actively attempt to find the right person?

What’s the correct answer?

We need to self-reflect to determine our reply to this question. Why? The response may not be the same for each of us. We are all in different aspects of life. Especially those of us who are dating after divorce.

And maybe there’s a balance.

Maybe one can be ‘open’ to meeting someone without actively pursuing it.

Maybe the simple ‘open to the universe’ is enough to attract it.

If I’m honest with myself, I should probably leave it to fate. My friend is correct. I’m forcing it. I’m forcing myself to actively date. I rationalized that I needed to do so.

How else will I meet a man?

If I don’t put myself out there, my chances will be diminished.

But should it be this exhausting? Should it be this hard? Should it be this much effort? Should it be this much work? It wasn’t in my youth. I wasn’t pounding the pavement looking for love.

I get that I’m older.

I realize this lowers the opportunity.

I understand it requires more effort.

But when do you decide, or when do I decide if it was meant to be…it will find me. The right man will find me. When do I determine the proper balance (for me) of discovering love again?

Do I want to hunt love down?

NO.

It sort of feels like that at this moment.

It feels like I’ve been trying too hard. Because after years of rejecting love and dating…I now know I want to share my life with someone again. It surprised even me.

But one good experience reminded me there are good men in this world.

There is love.

Even though one unhealthy man temporarily convinced me otherwise. He made me shy away from wanting that experience again. His brutal handiwork almost worked.

Until my heart was resurrected.

Until it opened back up.

I’ve decided to answer this quintessential dating question by giving into fate. It doesn’t mean I will be all, or nothing. It means I’m going to surrender to my core spirituality.

I will walk with openness.

I will be aware of the opportunity to meet the right man.

But I’m not going to chase it.

It’s the right decision for me at this moment. I applaud others who may answer this question differently. To be fair, I’ve spent more than a year actively answering this question differently.

I did pursue dating.

But it seems it’s not the right timing for me.

It’s why I’m going to surrender to fate.

At the very least, I’m going to put myself out there less. I’m going to go back to my normal habits. If I happen to meet a great guy I won’t miss him. I’ll recognize he’s on my path for a reason.

Because I do want to love again.

I’m just not interested in chasing it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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