I’m the ‘Wife Who Says No’

One lady on r/deadbedrooms explains:

“Me and my husband have had sex maybe once in the last year. Before that, our intimacy has been slowly dwindling. When/if he tries to initiate, I say no, I’m not in the mood, I’m tired, or just straight out ignore him. I go to bed earlier than him, and we barely even cuddle. I rarely initiate.”

“But my libido is higher than it’s ever been. I’m not cheating, and would never dream of it, but sex is all I think about.”

Well, hello me.

“I long for a man to take me in his arms, to savor every part of me, to slowly and sensually move his hands and his mouth all over my body, lingering in the nook of my neck, telling me he loves my scent. To be strong and gentle and soft and powerful. I want a man to flip me around the bed, to be vocal and tell me everything he wants, to be soft, and I’ll give him everything I want.”

Oh, lady, yessss.
To all of it, yes.

“My husband is not this man. He rushes sex. His idea of foreplay is pinching my nipples. I’ve told him a thousand times, I hate this. It’s not sexual. It’s like I’m a dial on a radio. He won’t whisper sweet nothings, tell me he loves my smell, or how warm my skin is, how soft my hair feels bunched up in his hands, or how much he loves the soft noises I make. Let alone how nicely our bodies fit together. He’ll tell me he wants to fuck me, call me his little slut, and after thirty seconds of rushed sex, he’ll tell me to ‘cum for him.’”

Holy shit.
That’s the way a million women feel, I bet.

“I want a man who smiles when I walk through the door after being at work, who sometimes buys the wine I like, or makes dinner, or does laundry — not begrudgingly, just out of mutual love and want to share a home we’re building together. I want a man who treasures me and what I do for our family, who flirts with me during the day, who wakes me up with neck kisses, who doesn’t roll his eyes if I want my hair played with.”

“I want sensual, candle-lit back massages purely for the love and intimacy, not functional because I’ve got back pain, not for the end goal of sex, just a sensual, intimate, caring movement. I want foreplay to be all the time — not sexual foreplay — more love, caring, sensuality, and softness. I want a little head poke around the door, asking if I’d like help making dinner. I want the ‘I’ve got this’ when I’m struggling with the laundry basket. I don’t want an eye roll and a grumpy ‘fine’ when I remind him for the fifth time that I would love to make dinner, but would like help with the dishes.”

“I want to be loved,” she writes.

I think she wants to be appreciated and desired. Not feel like a cum dumpster or be stuck with awful chore sex.

It’s the luxuriating in the wanting that’s missing.

“I don’t know why I want all of this off my chest. But hopefully, a man is reading this that maybe understands his wife isn’t saying no to him, she’s saying no to the lackluster effort he’s making.”

3,075 upvotes. 567 comments on r/deadbedrooms.

She’s said she explained to her husband exactly what she wants. They have periods of improvement, and then it falls into “old faithful” legs on the shoulders, race to the finish line.

She’s attracted to him, still. She knows there are a million reasons to be together that go beyond sex. She explains that he’s her best friend and partner in life, and her family. She understands that the ups and downs of life and fluctuations in intimacy are natural.

But she still says “no” to sex over and over again.

She’s a classic example of “low libido for you” wife. She refuses her husband. She’s the bad guy leading them to a dead bedroom. But it isn’t really her, is it? A dead bedroom is rarely one-sided. It’s usually a two-way street.

“What is the plan?” one Redditor wrote.

And that’s the thing.
What is the solution?

I bet one or the other will start looking for a way out.

Cheating.
Divorce.
Probably both.

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Edited lightly by me from u/SubjectBad7576’s post.