When I fall in love I feel like everything in life feels perfect. The sun is brighter, the air is fresher, and the little things that annoy don’t so much. You too might experience this and believe your life is a fairy tale. Before you go and mortgage a castle, take a second to remember the story of one princess who didn’t turn out so hot. I’m talking about the original Little Mermaid.
Let’s do a quick recap of the original Little Mermaid’s tale, shall we? She fell in love. She traded her voice for legs that caused her unbearable pain so she could be with him. In the end she didn’t get her prince or her body. Our favorite half-fish girl was so consumed with a guy that she threw away everything that made her unique. What was her prize? For what? Betrayal and an afterlife spent as sea-foam.
To those of you who’ve only seen or read the happy version of the story, I apologize for ruining your happy memories. However, it is imperative, if you don’t want to turn into metaphorical bubbles, that you avoid the young mermaid’s mistakes.
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Keep your own group of friends
I made the mistake a few times of hanging out more and more with my partner’s friends. While things were going good I was a part of their world. The moment it ended, those “friends” were nowhere in sight. Like those sweatshirts you treated as your own, you might have to give back those relationships to your partner when things are through.
Now is this always true? No. But it is crucial that you don’t let your own friendships flounder while you forge connections with your significant other’s core group.
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It’s ok to have a hobby that only you enjoy
I have a section of my closet that is stuffed with climbing gear. It gathers dust, as I no longer climb. It was an “our” thing, not mine. That helmet now mocks my failed relationship.
While new things are fun to try, I wish I’d been more honest. I could have used that time doing something I enjoyed or obtaining a new skill. Avoid getting sucked into their world so much that you neglect your own development. Try new things, by all means. Also look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Unless it’s couples therapy, you two can do whatever you want separately.
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Don’t be someone’s plan B
It’s great that you two are probably having dinner Friday night. Unless of course, something comes up. Either way, you’ll know that the plans changed at least the day before. Or a few hours if the thing that’s come up is really important. But you’re cool with that, right?
Please don’t be. You are too good to be someone’s backup plan.
If your new love seems to be in the gray area of may/may not happen, feel free to make alternative plans. Do you want to be watching Netflix in your wasted dressy clothes when you could’ve been at a concert with your other friends? Ugh, no thank you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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