Improve Your Dating Tactics & Laugh Along the Way

In this age where emotions have been replaced with emojis, 🤔 dating has become a seriously disturbing game. It’s kind of like spin the bottle if the bottle was an algorithm and the circle had 10,000 people in it. 😯😬 Then other times it’s like truth or dare, except no one ever seems to pick truth anymore. 🤥🤨🤷🏻‍♀️

You might not like to think of your “adult” dating life as a game, but honestly, it’ll really all be easier if you do. Cause if it were a game, you would develop a strategy, right? And when you decide to play a round 😉😉 and then lose, like any good player, you would alter your strategy. Especially if you’ve been using that same strategy for a while now, and you’ve lost over and over and over again.

That meme was me for a minute there. 🤦🏻‍♀️ And whether they’d like to admit it or not, it’s a lot of people today in this memoji age of dating. The thing is, there used to be a clear set of rules that made this game a lot easier. For hundreds of years, parents strictly enforced the rules of dating, as well as who was acceptable for their child to date, usually according to their religion or ethnicity. They had to follow specific courting rituals, and both partners knew how they were expected to behave and proceed.

Now, the old rules have gone out the window. Of course, the freedom to choose who you should love and marry is essential, but because there weren’t any new rules created to replace the old ones, the result is just chaos. Seems to be now that anything goes, and I mean fucking anything. 😮🙈 Unfortunately, nobody seems to know WTF anyone else is doing anymore. Not surprisingly, this system just isn’t the smoothest for finding a significant other and living happily ever after.

Trust me, I would know how hard it’s become. 🍆🤭 Yea, yea, I dated a lot. But what’s a girl supposed to do when she’s chronically single and full of love in her heart? Not to mention when she’s got a wide-open mind and extremely high libido. 😈 Anyway, I figured the best thing I could do with all my failed attempts and epic losses is to learn from them. So I did.

I also started learning from my friends and all the women around me. I listened to their dating horror stories and compared them to my own experiences, and discovered common patterns that were constantly leading women to failure. Some of them were obvious, but others not so much. Then I thought, maybe I should compile some of the lessons I’ve learned from my embarrassingly extensive dating trial-and-error to share and compare with other women who seem to be getting similarly horrendous results. So I did that too.

Well, this is what I ended up with: a new set of rules to make dating just a little bit easier. Complete with personal anecdotes from myself and other women, and of course, relevant memes not only for your enjoyment but to show you that you are not alone. We’re all struggling with this insanely complicated game that dating has become. So the way I see it, the best thing we can do is band together to come up with a new strategy, so we can all finally win one for a change. 💍😉

So for all my fellow single bitches out there who are suffering through the dating game with no strategy, nor even a clear understanding of the rules the other side is playing by, I’m honestly just trying to help. I ❤️❤️❤️ women, I really do, and I’m tired of hearing the horror stories of tinder-gone-wrong from beautiful, capable, talented women who are being rejected by guys who don’t deserve them and wouldn’t treat them right anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming this all on men either. Yes a lot of them are disgusting, lying, selfish, ignorant, assholes. No doubt. But the truth is they can’t be held solely responsible for their actions. For starters, you have to consider their upbringing in a covertly — when not overtly — misogynistic and patriarchal society. They learned from the beginning that they’re superior, and in their heads (if not in this messed up world too 😡), well, they’re in charge.

Then you have to consider the unprecedented levels of sexual liberation for women.🍾🌺 🎉 I mean yes, we’re free and it feels fucking fantastic for sure, but did we really get what we wanted out of this? Seems to me like we tried to tell them, “Hey dickheads, we’re free to do whatever we want with our bodies without feeling shame.” Except how it came out to them was “Hey big dicks, we’re ready to be free with our bodies, so come and fuck us all you want, just as long as we give consent.” 😬😬🤦🏻‍♀️ Ummm, oops?

And of course, you can’t forget what is arguably the biggest change in dating that will happen in our lifetime: online dating. I mean it started with Match.com and Okcupid, but now there’s Eharmony, PlentyofFish, JDate, Zoosk, and the list goes on. Just kidding, I never used any of those. 😜🤷🏻‍♀️ For my generation it’s really about the apps, like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and a shit ton of others. No seriously, there are like 1,500 different dating apps now and it’s just fucking ridiculous.

How TF are you supposed to pick out ONE right person when there are thousands to choose from? And an even bigger mindfuck of a question is: How are you supposed to convince a guy that he should make you his ONE and ONLY when he’s got thousands of options at his disposal too?!?!?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🤷🏾‍♀️

At first, I thought we’re screwed… literally. 🍑🌶😜 But ladies we’re not! I swear there’s still hope! The way I see it, all we have to do is see the game for what it really is, whether we like it or not so that we can change our tactics and start kicking ass. Because unfortunately, this is our society and there’s no turning back. I mean maybe we can change it in the future, but we’ve been trying for centuries to achieve gender equality and I can’t wait that long to find a man before my ovaries dry up.

Or we could try to convince some of the smartest and savviest of the male species that the dating game is bullshit and men need to play fair! Most of us have probably even tried this already after three too many glasses of wine. 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍾🥂🥴 But even if they nodded along and agreed to change, we all know that they’re full of shit. (IYKYK and if you don’t then you should.) Because no one can force somebody to change. They have to want it for themselves. They have to think it was their idea. 😏💡🤫

So if we do want things to change, I’m pretty damn sure that we women are going to have to be the ones to change them. We’re going to need to take the rules we’ve all been playing by and start rewriting that shit altogether. And to get that process started, the only place I think it makes sense to begin is by asking, “Hey ladies, WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?!?”

Ok, maybe that sounds a bit harsh, especially for an opening. So instead of starting off by laying into members of my own gender like the judgmental, know-it-all, bossy-ass bitch that I can sometimes be, I’m just going to illustrate my concerns via some more relevant memes created by some really brilliant people on Instagram, and then we’ll go from there.

If you enjoyed this excerpt from How Not to Date, you can purchase my book in print or as an ebook or audio book from my website. Or you can find more of my articles about dating, travel and spirituality here on Medium. If you’re not already a member, feel free to sign up using the link below to support me and my writing. Thanks for reading and happy dating!

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything