“Is He Truly Busy or Is He Just Flaking?”

Have you ever matched with someone on a dating app and felt like the strongest chemistry between you both?

I have. Once. So, it was fair that I thought it could be a serious thing.

But he flaked on me. For months, I was left wondering.

Why? Is it me or him? Did I do something that turned him off?

I was so busy thinking about what was wrong with me that I forgot my worth.

If you’ve been flaked by a guy you met on dating apps and still can’t move on, this is for you.

Welcome to the club.

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You don’t want to miss these early signs

I wish I wasn’t that blind. I wish I didn’t trust him and blocked all other guys who wanted to get to know me.

The worst thing you could do during online dating is only open your door to one guy.

There are more risks than gains to that. One, you’d be invested emotionally (and sometimes physically) in the relationship way too fast.

Secondly, you don’t have anyone else to compare in the beginning, so you take what’s in front of you.

My experience and many other women’s have taught me that’s the fastest way to get your heart broken.

If you can prevent it, why not do it right?

But how do you know this guy isn’t worth your time? By looking at the early signs:

He either cancels or reschedules the plan he made with you.
He lets you know at the last minute without any heads-up whatsoever.
His best line when that happens is, “I’m so sorry, I hope you understand…”
Although his reasons seem legit, they also sound fishy
Upon rescheduling, he says he’s always available and promises you he’ll show up
He gets defensive when you confront him because it means you aren’t being “understanding” enough.
In the end, he might be the one acting like a victim.

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Those signs are obvious, but many women don’t see them. They’re so fixated on the idea of dating the guy as soon as possible.

Making it official seems to be the goal here.

As we all know, women like to hear nice romantic words. As long as the man can play with words and give her ‘reassurance’ that he’ll keep his promise, it’s all good.

It’s understandable if it’s one or twice. However, more than that?

You should know you’re being flaked.

The guy who wants to get to know you won’t ever do that. It took me many unnecessary heartbreaks like this one to realize it.

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Their reasons behind it don’t matter — let me tell you why

I know what you’re thinking.

His reasonings seem logical, though. What if I’m being reckless by cutting him off? What if I can’t find someone else like him?

Whenever you have those scenarios in your head, remind yourself that this guy whom you’ve been hoping to show up doesn’t change overnight.

Sure, you can meet him eventually if you’re patient enough. Perhaps, you both would date for a while.

However, imagine how many disappointments you have to go through. I’ve known men like this can’t keep their promises — no matter how many times they claim they love their partner.

If showing up to date takes him lots of “rescheduling,” how can you expect him to match his words with his actions?

It’s full of bullshit, and you shouldn’t fall for this game.

I know his reasons seem legit, but think of it long-term. There has to be a limit to what you can compromise, and time is a big thing.

You don’t want to keep following his schedule. You don’t want to feel like you aren’t his priority. You don’t want to waste your time.

Enough.

You need someone who shows up as he promised you too. Online dating has become wilder and wilder over the years. You can’t approach it only by trusting some romantic words from a man.

This ‘flaking’ behavior is still going to be one of the top dating trends next year — only some people will call it the “onlyplans” guy/girl.

They’ll praise you. They’ll assure you that they’re interested. And after some weeks of talking nonstop, they want to see you in real life.

Yet they never show up. The reasons? Always about one big thing after another.

Like, cmon. Let’s be real. We know life is tough, but no one can have those many emergencies every day.

So, if you’ve been thinking of cutting him off and finding someone new, you’re right. Waiting on him to change and be more committed should be the last thing you do.

The truth is a guy who likes to flake like this won’t change. So, don’t wait anymore.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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