Is It Love or Is It Lust?

Love and lust have a tendency of blurring the lines for most people, especially when it’s at the beginning of a relationship.

However, love is a distinct feeling that can be divided into three categories: attachment, attraction and lust.

1. Attachment

Attachment is characterized by a calm feeling and emotional union that one feels with friendships, families and very committed partnerships.

2. Attraction

This one involves our brain’s reward center, able to imitate the feeling of a drug addiction. It is passionate love that makes us feel excitement. It makes us crave for an emotional connection and often interrupts our thinking pattern with sudden thoughts of our beloved. Some call this passionate love.

3. Lust

Lust is the hormonal desire to seek someone for sexual gratification.

The Two Spheres of Love

Haley Neidich, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, says, “Love feels like security, respect, and admiration and typically includes a sense of safety and commitment within a partnership.”

It also has physical symptoms that can happen with lust, such as sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach and reactions in intimate areas.

This is divided into two spheres:

1.Passionate Love — this is the feeling of intense need to be with someone. When people are experiencing it, they are most often distressed if their relationship goes sideways.

The attraction felt with this type of love makes our brain produce dopamine and norepinephrine, which are chemicals that make us feel good. It explains why we often get obsessive and even excitable during the early stages of the relationship.

2. Companionate Love — this is the attachment you feel towards someone. It is strong feelings of intimacy that can often be seen with our close friends and long-term lovers. It’s slower to develop most times but it involves oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals associated with pair-bonding. It is in the relationship between a mother and her child.

The Feeling of Lust

Lust is natural, since it’s a human occurrence. It is purely sexual attraction, which can happen in relationships and those outside of that. However, it’s not something we should always act on. Sometimes, it’s just sexual interest.

Signs you’re only feeling lust:

You immediately think about what your beloved’s body could do for you when they come to mind.
Wanting to kiss them as soon as you see each other
Getting turned on, feeling flushed, getting excited and smiling when you think of them.
Not having much in common but feeling like it won’t matter when you two touch.

There is Lust in Love

Lust is always present when you are in love. But love isn’t necessarily needed when you are driven purely by lust.

When you’re in love, you think about being with your partner. You think about the future you two will have. You always think of interesting things you want to tell them. You get excited thinking about meeting their friends and family. You share tender moments and tell each other your secrets.

Loving someone isn’t only about how you two can please each other in bed.

It’s also about caring for one another and making your partner your priority.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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