Is Love Still Possible in 2020?

I hope you’re doing OK. I just wanted to let you know that Jameson and I have just finished putting the final touches on our brand new video and it’s ready for you to watch right now…

This video is an honest look at what the near future of dating could look like for you if you’re single right now.

Even as parts of the world open up again, a vaccine appears to be at least 8-12 months away. That means that for about another year, there will be some significant implications for our dating lives.

Is it safe to go out on dates in the coming months? When should you meet up with someone you’ve been talking to? How do you deal with awkward moments like the first hello where you would normally hug each other? Is there an elegant way to communicate what level of contact you are comfortable with?

These are all questions I answer in this video. At the beginning of COVID-19, I made a video outlining the immediate impact of this virus on our love lives. Consider this a round 2, but this time with a focus on the future of dating. A kind of “State of Our Unions” address for 2020, if you will.

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments, and please share with anyone who is anxious or concerned with the future of their dating life.

There is reason for hope, my friend.

As ever, I’m thinking of you as we go through this together.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:00
so recently I was asked to do an
00:01
interview where as part of a panel with
00:04
an anthropologist an epidemiologist and
00:07
then there was I the love apologist we
00:13
were there to talk about the impact that
00:15
all of this is going to have not just on
00:16
dating and love now but on the future of
00:19
dating the epidemiologist was asked what
00:23
constitutes safe when we’re out there
00:25
dating right now and her answers
00:28
amounted to there’s no way to know that
00:31
you’re safe if you were to meet someone
00:33
in person right now and that’s going to
00:36
be the case until we have a vaccine so
00:39
on behalf of single people everywhere I
00:41
volunteered the question are you talking
00:45
about us being celibate until there’s a
00:48
vaccine and she said well no you might
00:52
be able to meet up with someone in
00:54
person if you are able to really trust
00:58
that that person hasn’t been around lots
01:00
of other people or hasn’t been to any
01:02
events any gatherings at that point
01:05
maybe you might meet up with that person
01:08
and be six feet apart which then of
01:10
course begs another question which is at
01:12
what point do you decrease the distance
01:15
from six feet to something more romantic
01:18
we are not now introduced aren’t we to a
01:22
different layer of complexity in dating
01:25
as single people the complexity before
01:30
was how do I discern someone’s
01:32
intentions do they want a relationship
01:34
do they not are they looking for the
01:35
same thing as me are they just looking
01:37
to play around well now we’re not just
01:39
trying to discern intentions we’re
01:41
trying to discern the state of someone’s
01:43
health whether they are a carrier or not
01:47
that is a difficult thing to think about
01:51
we used to think about that and still do
01:53
of course in the context of sex at the
01:55
point of sleeping with someone we would
01:57
of course want to know whether they had
01:59
any STDs that we needed to be concerned
02:01
about we use protection now we’re not
02:04
talking about it at that intimate stage
02:06
we’re having to figure out certain
02:08
things about each other before we even
02:09
go on a date have you been around people
02:12
think about that
02:13
not have you slept with anyone
02:15
unprotected have you been around people
02:19
in which case I’m more concerned about
02:22
meeting up with you so what happens as
02:24
things begin to open up again and we
02:26
start trying to figure out how to
02:27
navigate our dating lives it’s a time
02:30
when it’s going to be even more
02:32
confusing because people are gonna have
02:35
all sorts of different standards about
02:36
this we’re already seeing this not just
02:38
between cities and states because that
02:41
gets stereotyped doesn’t it
02:42
this state is behaving really badly this
02:45
states doing a really good job this
02:46
state’s taking it too seriously this
02:48
there’s all of that side of it but even
02:50
within neighborhoods door to door people
02:54
have different beliefs I don’t know if
02:55
you’ve had the experience of talking to
02:57
a neighbor or someone right who’s close
02:59
to you I’m realizing that person has a
03:02
completely different belief system about
03:03
this whole thing than you do we don’t
03:06
date a city or a state we date door to
03:08
door we date the person who lives in
03:11
that house or that house who might have
03:13
a different opinion on what safe is or
03:16
how necessary it is to even worry about
03:18
any of the guidelines that are given to
03:20
us that’s the part we’re gonna have to
03:22
navigate when we talk about what have
03:24
you been up to how have you been
03:25
spending your time in quarantine have
03:27
you been around lots of people are you
03:28
still seeing friends when things open up
03:30
and you decide you do feel comfortable
03:32
enough with the way somebody else has
03:34
been acting in their own life that you
03:36
want to meet up with them in person
03:38
there will be a moment where the two of
03:40
you see each other on that day and you
03:43
may have decided for yourself I’m not
03:45
gonna hug this person right now you know
03:47
I’m gonna have a six feet apart date in
03:49
which case that could potentially be an
03:52
awkward moment but it doesn’t have to be
03:55
communicating your standards is
03:57
something that can be done elegantly in
03:59
a charming and warm way you could see
04:01
that person walk through the door and
04:03
say I would normally hug you but I’m
04:07
trying to be careful right now and I’m
04:09
close to my family and I live with them
04:11
or I see them often so I’m being super
04:13
careful but just know that I would
04:16
normally be hugging you and you look
04:18
very handsome in that shirt now in that
04:21
you’re doing many things you’re saying
04:24
I’m close to my family and there
04:26
or look what a kind and caring person I
04:28
am that I’m worried about them too and
04:30
I’m being safe for their purposes you’re
04:32
saying I have a standard that I am bold
04:34
enough and confident enough to
04:36
communicate to you without dancing
04:38
around it or making things awkward and
04:40
I’m also giving you a compliment I’m
04:42
telling you you look handsome just in
04:45
case you thought that I didn’t find you
04:47
attractive if we’ve decided what our
04:50
standard is right now or what we’re okay
04:53
with and what we’re not okay with which
04:55
ideally we should decide ahead of time
04:57
not on the spot arbitrarily simply based
05:00
on how handsome the person in front of
05:04
you is we couldn’t have made a decision
05:07
about what we’re gonna do without trying
05:11
to be right just because you’ve made a
05:13
decision it doesn’t mean you need to be
05:15
right I think we’re living in a time
05:17
where everyone is trying to be right
05:20
about the decision they’ve made instead
05:22
of accepting that I’ve decided something
05:26
for now based to the best of my ability
05:28
on the information that I’ve gotten I
05:30
don’t know if I’m right I don’t know if
05:32
three months from now I’m gonna look
05:34
back on the things that I did to be safe
05:36
today and think that was overkill that
05:39
was way too much I don’t know I might
05:41
but this is the decision I’m making
05:43
right now I don’t know if me not hugging
05:46
you has really protected my mum but I
05:48
care about my mum and based on what I’ve
05:51
heard this is what I’m gonna do right
05:52
now we don’t have to be right to have
05:55
made a decision for now and all of us
05:59
can reserve the right to look back on
06:01
that decision and think it was too much
06:02
or too little or to change our mind
06:05
about that decision at any point in time
06:07
that’s our prerogative at any point so a
06:10
little humility will actually help a lot
06:14
of this because instead of me defending
06:16
my position and saying well I can’t
06:17
believe you’re doing this and I can’t
06:19
believe you’re doing that we can simply
06:20
say this is what I’ve chosen to do for
06:23
me this is what I’ve chosen to do for
06:25
the people around me that stopped
06:26
something from becoming Dogma from
06:29
becoming a political position that we
06:32
take against somebody else and instead
06:35
allows us to communicate about those
06:38
things while still respect
06:40
our own boundaries you know I think it’s
06:42
gonna happen
06:43
firstly people are still going to find a
06:46
way of sleeping with other people there
06:49
will be a disproportionate bias towards
06:55
known entities the people that you
06:58
already know the people you’ve already
06:59
slept with your ex the person you’ve
07:02
been on a few dates with the person you
07:04
already trust even if that person hurt
07:05
you before even if that person was not
07:07
right for you you’ll find a way to
07:10
justify going back to that person
07:12
because the activation energy for going
07:14
back to that person will be lower it
07:16
will simply be easier to go back to that
07:19
person then to go online meet someone
07:22
new develop enough trust to meet up with
07:24
that person in person because you now
07:27
believe that they have been pretty
07:28
careful so now you’re with them and now
07:31
sleeping with them feels like a kind of
07:34
a decision kind of a you know I’m really
07:36
making a decision here if I kiss you or
07:38
sleep with you I’m almost committed to
07:41
whatever you have or don’t have but it
07:45
seems like more of a decision so I do
07:47
think that there’ll be a propensity to
07:50
go for the people we already know and
07:54
where people don’t have someone they
07:56
already know that they can go to I think
07:58
that over in the near future of dating
08:01
as people date there may be inclination
08:06
towards less promiscuity there may be an
08:10
inherent squeamishness against sleeping
08:13
with multiple people and it might
08:15
frankly become more selective do I
08:18
really like you though I really want to
08:21
take the risk with you they’ll also of
08:24
course be differences in people’s
08:25
situations you know people who are who
08:28
have weakened immune systems or prior
08:30
conditions are gonna have to be more
08:31
careful when they date people who live
08:32
with their parents might find themselves
08:34
having to be more careful than a dater
08:36
who lives alone and has no one to worry
08:38
about but themselves all these things
08:41
are going to play into it and of course
08:44
there will be certain people who
08:46
disregard all of it and simply do what
08:50
they want to do when they want to do it
08:52
I think those people will reveal
08:53
themselves
08:54
quickly the person who meets you online
08:56
today and then says shall we get
08:59
together do you want to do something
09:00
tomorrow but also says I don’t normally
09:03
do this it’s kind of like the person who
09:05
sleeps with us in five seconds and says
09:07
I never do this and you go was I really
09:09
that great in the first five seconds I
09:12
could I really have been that charming
09:14
in the first hour of me and year that
09:16
you’re just sleeping with me right now
09:17
is the same thing I think we’re going to
09:19
know fairly quickly
09:21
if someone is very liberal about meeting
09:24
up with lots of people but if you do on
09:26
some encouragement consider this there
09:30
are many many many many many many many
09:33
wonderful single people just like you
09:38
who also want to find a relationship and
09:41
find themselves stuck at home figuring
09:45
out where that next right person is
09:47
going to come from the single people of
09:50
the world did not vanish they are still
09:52
there and they want to meet you
09:55
and a lot of people who were in
09:58
relationships a few months ago are now
10:01
broken up because they’ve realized that
10:04
the person they’re with is a nightmare
10:06
to live with so they’re on the market
10:09
too
10:21
you