Is Marriage Really Worth It?

Try hopping on Mumsnet or Reddit, and you’ll see threads of sad stories upon sad stories.

It’s everything, from abusive marriages to the struggles of riding the harsh waves of the fickle dating world. Then there’s the quest for answers to keep relationships above the water.

What’s worse sad is the effect these dysfunctional relationships have on people who have been reduced, stifled, and stretched to the core by trying to make them work.

Look, I have a confession.

I’m a hundred percent guilty of spreading the negativity around relationships. But before you lash out at me, please note that I don’t do it for fun.

As a woman who has had to navigate a turbulent marriage with a narcissist, and everything I thought I knew about love crumbled to dust, I’ve always felt I should share with women going through the same.

I’ve written a lot about relationship drama when to walk away, men to steer clear of, and what to look for in a partner because I believe this information matters.

But is it true that marriage is no longer worth it?

Are relationships just a waste of time?

Or are we just drawing conclusions based on what we read online?

Let’s talk about this.

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But first, why do we post relationship issues on social media?

Some people see this as a bad thing but my pal Elise says reading such stuff online finally helped her find a loving partner after enduring an abusive relationship.

These stories, plus the advice of the online community, became powerful learning points that freed her from years of gas lighting herself and believing that she deserved ill-treatment.

Elise is just one of the many people who have awakened to the concepts of abusive, manipulative, and controlling relationships through social media.

Otherwise, they’d remain unaware of the same without such platforms.

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Most of the content out there highlights relationship problems more than the joy and fulfillment they bring. Negativity sells.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing because it creates awareness and, in some way, makes one feel less alone.

It spreads fast too. We gravitate towards stories that make our experience less lonely.

Women spend hours weaving tales of their philandering or abusive husbands to get some sort of relief. It numbs us and keeps us going for a while.

This, though, is a double-edged sword. If we’re not careful, it can demean us and lower our self-esteem.

Back when I was in the thick of things, people would say things like;

It’s just how men are.

Hang in there. Things will change. You’re just having adjustment issues.

Have a baby, and things will improve. (The most stupid one ever)

God hates divorce. (Now I know God never wants us to suffer)

Marriage is hard, but you’ll get used to it.

Sadly, many women sign their fate by believing these disempowering comments.

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Why else do people post online?

Because they prefer not to open up to people who know them. They feel safer with strangers online because there’s no judgment there.

Besides, the digital platform and its anonymity make it super easy to post issues on a whim.

Many people don’t have a good support system, especially in the West. The social blanket isn’t wide or think enough. Friends and relatives are few and far between, and loneliness is a real problem.

So? is posting your relationship issues online a good thing? Yes, if this is what will get us talking, by all means, let’s do it.

However, the truth is that these threads would be more than they are at the moment because not everyone going through a rough patch posts online.

Those lucky enough to have a good support system navigate their struggles privately. They know what to do, are sure of themselves, and don’t feel the need to speak up to the ether that is the internet.

And that’s okay.

But if that’s not you, remember this: There’s no shame in seeking support; if you can only get it online, then reach out.

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There’s more to what we read online.

What you see online is often one side of the spectrum. People are here looking for answers, solutions, and, quite frankly, a bit of empathy.

Here’s the thing, though.

People in thriving relationships don’t post online.

It’s not that they don’t have things to say; they mostly don’t need help with their relationships. Or, they’d probably be seen as insensitive or show-off if they opened up about their relationships.

Look, it’s a jungle out there.

Try saying how your partner cleans the babies and gets them ready for school — or anything positive for that matter — and see how you’ll be ripped to shreds.

We never want to feel alone in our misery. It’s just how we’re wired.

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