Reconsider these 3 misguided beliefs before calling it quits.
“I will just get a new one.” How many times have we heard or said this to the point that almost everything in our lives has become disposable? Unfortunately, this bleeds over into things that were never meant to be disposable. We give up on all sorts of things that are emotionally just too hard. So, we just get a new one.
The fact that this has become the normal way of thinking about marriage breaks my heart. I have been divorced, so I have practiced this theory. It got too hard and I got out and married a second time. What I found on the other side was nothing but the ugly truth about myself. Imagine my shock when disposing of what felt like the problem only left bigger problems down the road in marriage number two.
Here are a few reasons you may think the same way as I did—that disposable marriage is the answer. You need to reconsider these three misguided beliefs before disposing of your marriage.
1. Starting fresh will give me the opportunity to get it right.
WRONG! I was not starting fresh. I cannot erase the past. How could I have been delusional to think that I can start over? This was a lie. I carried baggage into the first marriage, so inevitably I had gained more baggage and that was added to the previous baggage, bringing twice as much baggage into my next relationship. That is a lot of baggage!
How romantic for me to take all that baggage to the next person, right?
2. I have learned my lesson. I know what to look for next time.
LIE! I continued to make the same mistakes in life until I personally chose to fix me. No other person is the answer. So finding the perfect mate next time is an optical illusion.
There is no perfect person or soul mate for me. What makes a soul mate (if there even is such a thing) is hours of intentional and emotional hard work. I had to stop believing fairy tales and romantic movies. They are scripted. No one is handed a “happily ever after” without a long hard fight for it.
3. I settled for my first marriage. Next time I will stick with my list of must-haves.
FALSE! Every relationship I have had involved compromise. So the idea that I settled is going to still be true in every other relationship to follow. Everyone settles because, may I say just one more time, there is no perfect person for me. I hold the power to choose to accept the person, flaws and all. The same is true for every relationship—there is no perfect job, friend, parent, in-laws, home, or car (did I mention my own imperfections, as if they didn’t settle when they married me).
Do I really need to list all the things in our lives that we would modify slightly if we could, including ourselves?
Look, the cold hard truth I learned is that the feeling of achievement only comes from hard work in any area of life. What you can learn from me is that in this disposable world, the next thing in line is not necessarily better than the last thing. This is absolutely true of relationships and marriage. Every time I endured and made it to the next level I felt my best. Do not believe the lie like I did, that you cannot do the hard work to fix things. Short-term investments rarely pay off in big returns. Invest in one marriage and it will last a lifetime.
Photo: Pexels/dom seven
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