A guy said to me,” I feel like your life is full and mine is empty. What can I offer you?” and it really struck a chord with me, well, actually quite a few chords.
If the person who said this truly meant this insecure phrase, they view me as if I don’t need anything, to them my life boxes are ticked, and theirs aren’t. Which is crap as they don’t know how I feel about my life and where I believe I can go and tick more boxes or what boxes I feel are empty.
Also, there is what I need and what I want for my life to be fulfilling to me.
It made me look at my life through the lens of others, and yes, indeed, I have come to a place where many of the so-called life’s boxes are ticked. I have cultivated this life by myself independently.
What is your view of success?
Depending on what your view of a successful life is, to many, I have achieved that success. If your view of success is a work-life balance of mixing creative endeavors with work and living by the beach, yes, I have it. A past life of a career in finance, leaving while I was still young and having discovered the world as a backpacker, got me to where I am today.
My measure of success is living a life that feels good and knowing that I am enriching my life positively
In many ways, I feel very lucky. No, I don’t have a penthouse apartment in New York but or a yacht in Monaco, but that personally isn’t my measure of success. My measure of success is living a life that feels good and knowing that I am enriching my life positively, cultivating personal interests while still being able to afford to go to nice restaurants, and incorporating travel.
I am the master of my day and what I do.
I am very independent, most importantly financially and with my time. I am the master of my day and what I do.
Having your shit together: green, yellow, or red flag?
When you hear a romantic interest say your life is full, although primarily it highlights how they feel about themselves, at the same time, it does make you wonder how many other people (specifically males) subconsciously see you this way.
Is the independence we have spent centuries fighting for, seen by the modern man as a negative that they low-key don’t want to admit?
Men even when outwardly they give the impression of being evolved at a base level still want to feel that they can provide. And when women give the outwards look of basically having their shit together while this should be a huge green relationship flag, do many men really see this as a yellow or even red flag subconsciously?
If women were to seem less independent and more in need of care on whatever level, would men and indeed other people be more inclined to reach out? Is the independence we have spent centuries fighting for, seen by ‘the modern man’ as a negative that they low-key don’t want to admit?
The more society elevates women the less women benefit from having men in their lives while the quality of men’s lives when in a relationship with a woman increases.
The more society elevates women the less women benefit from having men in their lives while the quality of men’s lives when in a relationship with a woman increases. It seems ridiculous for us to then need to seem in some way less than what we are for men to feel comfortable.
It should be the men adapting as is their lives that are to benefit more from being with a woman. But of course, that would be in a fair world which we are far from living in.
Independence comes at a cost.
People (I believe), always assume that I am okay, or do I always assume that they assume I am fine… ? Anyway, they perceive I am doing my own thing, and I don’t need help. But that’s the thing, I love when someone offers their unsolicited support without me being forced to ask when I have no other option.
Being independent does not mean that I can do everything by myself or believe that others can’t add value to my life. Recently someone offered to add memory to my laptop as they perceived I needed it, and it felt so nice for someone to identify a need and want to help me with that.
Being independent does not mean that I can do everything by myself or believe that others can’t add value to my life.
I live alone. I’m able to walk through my apartment naked, eat dessert for breakfast, and have nobody judge me. I am independent in my whole living situation. But at night when I am switching the lights off and checking that the door is locked, I miss not having someone there.
I wonder if something happened to me one day when I was on my way home, when would people find out?
I especially think about if I were sick. Last year I had covid at the very early stages of the outbreak. Luckily I was only ill for a few days, but I did think if I took a sudden turn for the worse, I am alone. My independent nature craved for me to have my own space but at the cost of potentially my life.
People I know trust that I can take care of myself when traveling long and short distances. I have traveled extensively, and I wouldn’t say I a streetwise, but I can rely on myself to get around. However, I wonder if something happened to me one day when I was on my way home, when would people find out? I have family and many friends, but they don’t check on me. But I am not superwoman. Something could happen on my way home at night the same as any other woman.
The perfect life is an affinity that cannot be achieved.
In this era of Instagram and unhealthy positivity, many people project willingly or not an idea of a perfect life. We often accept this scene that has been painted for us as accurate. We almost want to see it as true, but we still need to see people, as well as people. My life might seem ‘complete’ to others whether I invite that image or not, but I can tell you it doesn’t feel that way for me, and nor do I know anyone that feels that way.
I am afraid my independent life has cost me my own family that I want
Outwardly do I tell people that most nights I watch Disneyplus alone or that I am afraid my independent life has cost me my own family that I want? No, of course, I don’t. If you are looking at others and thinking their lives are whole and yours is empty, do the work on yourself and stop projecting this idea that other people live this ‘perfect’ life as it is an affinity that cannot be achieved.
—
Previously Published on medium
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock