Is Your Affair Partner Marriage Material?

Hypothetically speaking, if tomorrow you both found yourselves single, would you want to marry your affair partner?

Are they marriage material? Or just someone to date? Or only to screw?

That question is damn tricky.

Most of my lovers have been just a “fuck.” Nothing more. And I wouldn’t have wanted to pursue them in real life if I had been given the chance. Yet, the man I’m with now, is different.

He’s all I’ve ever wanted in a partner.
And it makes me question everything.

Blow up my life to be with him? Take the risk? I’ve written so glibly for years on “this lifestyle” without ever having found a guy that has me reeling. Now I’m the one at a loss for words.

Other Redditors weighed in on this scenario.

“He definitely is. We have so many hobbies and interests in common. I’d marry that man in a heartbeat. I hate our time apart. That said, I know it isn’t all ponies and rainbows. I know it won’t be perfect, but we are a really good match and he’s always great with communication. Willing to work on any disagreement or misunderstanding that we’ve had. It’s been a few years, so, we’ve already had some chats and he’s made me feel at ease. I think our relationship is solid.”

Also 100% my case. I could’ve written that word for word. My relationship with my AP is a million times better than my marriage. Sustainable communication is the bedrock. So is laughter, sexual chemistry, joy, and appreciation.

“I never thought I’d say this about any AP, but yeah, she’s a total keeper. As in holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-this-person-even-exists.”

Yes. Exactly. Like he was made for me. Geeky, funny, smart, emotional, sexual as fuck.

“Why couldn’t we have we met each other when we were in our 20s?” he asked me once.

“We probably would’ve never run into each other.”

It took two crappy marriages and a stint on Ashley Madison to get us together at a coffee shop one weekday at 11 am, splitting the distance between us.

I didn’t even want to meet him since I thought we’d have nothing in common. “He likes sports, ugh,” I thought. And he’s into hobbies I know absolutely nothing about.

I’m a reader, an introvert in many ways, emotional and cautious. He seemed like the opposite of me.

Waste of time, I figured. But I said I’d go…so I showed up. What followed was sweeter and hotter than I ever expected from a guy who I barely gave a chance.

Except now what?

There is doubt.

Affairs are like a game of musical chairs…when the music stops, and my AP is the last one left, would I be okay with him?

If you cheat with me; you’ll cheat on me.
Isn’t that true? How do you trust someone prone to infidelity? Why would you want to marry a cheater?

“Would I really want to marry an AP? No. If there was a zombie apocalypse and we ended up together, though? We’d probably get along. I’d never marry again, though.”

On the other hand, there is hope.
“Absolutely. AP and I are actively having this conversation. We’d each sign our respective divorce papers and without putting our pens down, we’d sign our marriage license.”

How is that for hopeful?

OR do you value your independence? No more compromising? You need space? Just dating is fine. No need for more.

“I’ve had APs that I’ve loved dearly, but marriage is not an experiment that I want to attempt again.”

What is marriage material anyway?
The person who makes daily life feel special? When doing laundry and taxes together sounds like it might suck less with him in my life.

The person who makes you feel you don’t want to cheat? Because I’ve found that. And I never thought that would happen. Ever.

Confirmed adulteress extraordinaire stands corrected.

Who am I anymore?

“1000% yes. In a heartbeat I’d marry my AP if we lived in a fantasy world where such a possibility existed. He’s not perfect, and neither am I. However, we know how to prioritize communication and are willing to compromise.”