Is Your Marriage Really Important to You?

New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth.

Thomas Hardy The Hand of Ethelberta

I’m headed home from a week away with my husband after a 2-day music festival and eight rounds of disc golf in five days. Some beautiful courses, some good play, and a couple that kicked my butt.

I also was reminded at two breweries that we visited that fall is here. While it now seems to be everywhere and I’m usually not a big fan of pumpkin spice flavored things, I did taste two beers that have me rethinking that.

It also reminds me that the holidays are just around the corner and your marriage may be running out of time. You may not be aware that the beginning of each new year sees a spike in the calls to divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.

If there are things about your marriage that you aren’t happy with, you have some things to think about.

Many people believe they only have two choices—remain in a relationship that is a source of disappointment-or even pain-or end it.

Personally, I don’t believe the words miserable and marriage should ever be used in the same sentence but ending yours may not be the only choice.

The truth is no one has to take a Relationship 101 class, and everyone should. If you’ve never learned what works is it any surprise that you and your spouse don’t have the happy relationship you want.

And because you don’t know how to fix things, you or your spouse may think divorce is your only option to be happy again. In fact, you’ve probably been told by many people that if you’re not happy, you owe it to yourself to leave.

For some relationships, ending it is the correct and only answer. If there is ongoing abuse, unaddressed addictions, or untreated serious illness then staying is truly harmful.

If, however, none of those things are present, with some knowledge and a bit of work you can have a great relationship.

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But let’s be clear. Words like narcissism and abuse get thrown around a lot these days. And while they do exist, that is not what’s going on in most relationships.

What’s actually happening is both of you up the volume on your unproductive behaviors. Doing more of the same won’t work. Doing something different will. But you can only do what you know.

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